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The Sunday Series (88), with Mark Brodinsky

November 22, 2015 By markbrodinsky Leave a Comment

When do you learn what you’re really made of?

Usually it’s when you least expect it. When your back is up against the wall and you must rise to the occasion. It’s not always easy  to see when you are in the midst of something you need to escape from, that you need to make a change.

When the life you no longer want becomes your fight song, the music of your life changes its tune.

Listen to that music and know you have a virtual symphony inside you waiting to be shared, one which could affect the lives of other people.

Everyone has a story.

I am Mark Brodinsky and this is The Sunday Series.


The Sunday Series (88): Her Fight Song

erin pretty picture

Tis the season for gratitude, kindness, giving and family, and one holiday defines it all: Thanksgiving.

But what else do we look forward to on this day?  If we are so fortunate, it is the feast.

But what happens when that feast becomes a famine inside your own mind. When food becomes an obssession, not because you desire it to support your daily existence, but instead because it becomes an enemy, one you fight at every turn, or turn and run from when in its presence.

For Erin Konheim Mandras this was her life. Food as public enemy #1 – an internal threat to her body, a demon on her shoulders every time she stepped onto a scale to weigh herself and an obsession and painful paralysis of her mind. It’s called anorexia nervosa, one of the most prevalent eating disorders in America today, especially among females.

The National Association for Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD), defines it this way: Anorexia nervosa is characterized by emaciation, a relentless pursuit  of thinness and unwillingness to maintain a normal or healthy weight, a  distortion of body image and intense fear of gaining weight, a lack of  menstruation among girls and women, and extremely disturbed eating behavior.

For Erin, always small in terms of height but big in heart and mind, her body and body weight were really never an issue. Like any other teenage girl, she thought about it a lot but was far from obsessed: “I was always very petite”, says Erin. “Small in stature but big in competitive drive. I was social, I was athletic, I got good grades and I was offered a full athletic scholarship to Michigan State University to play soccer. Like any teenage girl I wanted to be pretty, popular, thin. You hear so much of what you are supposed to be like, to look like, to try on jeans that make you look like a model. It’s tough for a girl, you spend a lot of time self-doubting, criticizing yourself.

erin very young

Once I went off to college I was exposed to other girls who “enlightened” me, who were showing me about dieting and skipping meals and exercising on my days off. And these are my teammates nonetheless.  I was challenged by some of them and even my coaches to be as fit as I could and play every minute of every soccer game. I went home after my freshman year and felt leaner and people started noticing I had lost weight – losing even 5-pounds on a 5-foot frame is a lot. I started controlling what I ate. There was the pressure of pre-season 2-a-days for soccer practice and so I turned to food – and started eliminating more and more foods out of my diet and declaring more and more foods as unhealthy. I became obsessed with what I weighed. I didn’t want to gain any weight.”

MSU midfielder Erin Konheim works the ball Friday at Old College Field versus Illinois.Mike Itchue/The State News

MSU midfielder Erin Konheim works the ball Friday at Old College Field versus Illinois.Mike Itchue/The State News

Erin says her coaches started noticing what was happening as well as her best friend Nina (Mastracci) Kolbe. “I became stoic and removed”, says Erin. “For a very vibrant, animated person I became very bland and unphased, just very out there in my own world. I was mandated to see the psychiatrist who specialized in athletes with eating disorders. I put up a fight – I came from a family where that didn’t happen, just fight through it and handle the tough times. But I saw the psychiatrist weekly and at the end of the process he was a hero and I loved him more than life itself.”

Erin says the real turning point to get help was fueled by her soccer experience, when she learned she wouldn’t be playing. “What happened was October 10th, 2003, we were playing Purdue University and my coach announced I wouldn’t be starting. It was because of my illness, but he did not tell me that. He said someone beat me out for my position for that game. It was traumatic for me not to start. I was recruited to play every game of every season.” Because her team fell behind, Erin eventually played and got to keep playing that season, though she says it was tough. As it got colder and colder the anorexia made it so she couldn’t train or play very well. Erin later learned she was on the verge of being medically disqualified that season, but somehow she managed to convince her coaches to let her keep playing… and she went for help.

The psychiatrist she was seeing every week finally convinced Erin she was too thin, but she says she still didn’t know how to stop it.

“An anorexic has the mindset that if they eat something bad they will lose control and blow up”, says Erin. “It’s irrational and it’s sick. This voice is telling you how bad this food is and you don’t need that. The therapy is all about countering that voice, but until you learn to fight, that voice overpowers you. It becomes routine and your regimen makes your formula work. You are convinced that what you eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner will affect the number on that scale. Anything that would change your regimen would affect you. When I looked in the mirror I knew I was too thin, but just the fear of getting bigger and losing control and becoming huge trumped my ability to see I was too thin. Someone with an eating disorder like anorexia can’t fathom eating a slice of pizza, they think it will kill them. They can be around it but they won’t touch it.”

Eventually in her junior year, encouraged by her psychiatrist and her parents and the incentive of a Louis Vuitton handbag, she turned things around, she flipped the switch… but in the other direction. Erin says, “I was deprived and I was distant. My whole life was consumed by my weight and food and that bag was my excuse, it drove my recovery and my mind in the other direction. Don’t get me wrong, I hit several obstacles along the way. I started binge eating all the foods which I had deprived myself of, especially pizza, I love pizza, I craved carbohydrates and chips. I became overweight my junior year, but I felt stronger and more confident. With guidance from my psychiatrist I was able to pull out of my binge eating. I had my best year ever as captain of the soccer team. I had been through a mental, physical and psychological roller coaster.”

erin holds award

Erin says talking about it now and launching her own blog she feels like she is coming out of the closet: “Twelve years ago I had an eating disorder, but it was a big secret. Most girls or women don’t want to reveal the truth, especially a scholarship athlete. It was one year of my life and it is a thing of the past, but it identifies who I am. It changed me as a person. It gave me a new perspective on life on my family and the people who stood by me. I will never totally lose it and it will always be a part of me in some shape or form, but it will always be managed properly.”

Erin & husband Jon

Erin & husband Jon

We are only scratching the surface of Erin’s struggles and her story during the time she was immersed in her eating disorder. I urge you to learn more and read some of her fantastic and eye-opening experiences on her blog: (http://konheimmandras.com/)

Erin graduated from Michigan State and an assistant coaching job brought her to Baltimore where she and her family still live. And now Erin is on a mission to share her life-changing message and affect the lives of other people: “We are all women and we strain and desire to have the most perfect body type. But we need to coach and teach these young women so they are not shell-shocked like I was. They need to gain an understanding of what goes on and they can be prepared and continuously reiterate to them not to judge someone based on their appearance but on their inner self. Don’t look in the mirror and judge your body type, but instead what type of person you are and what you’ve been given and that should be your focus. Provide positive awareness and don’t grade yourself based on your size, not the size of your body or your waist but the size of your heart.”

I don’t normally do this but here’s a little inside information about Erin and this week’s post. We did a late night phone interview for this story and when I hung up I sat back and thought, as I do so many times after a Sunday Series interview, here is someone whose courage to share her story is definitely going to inspire, most certainly put a dent in the universe and hopefully save a life, if not many lives. In this case, after talking to Erin I pulled up her favorite song, Rachel Platten’s Fight Song on YouTube and watched the lyric version, (“This is my fight song, take back my life song, prove I’m alright song.”). Let me just say this, if ever there was one, here’s a song that was written for Erin Konhein Mandras and her mission.

As the father of two daughters it is my greatest hope Erin’s story stops someone from doing what she did – no girl, no woman should be judged or feel the pressure to become so obsessed with their body shape, or their weight. Life should not be measured by the appearance of your flesh and bones, but instead by the depth of your heart and soul.

Keep your fight song going Erin — I’m definitely in your corner – go get ’em champ.

erin and family)

Until next time, thanks for taking the time.

Mark

You can learn more about the warning signs and consequences of anorexia nervosa at several different websites, including (https://dopasolution.com/anorexia-nervosa/?msID=d8069346-56a3-4179-9b5c-7569654d724f), and (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/anorexia-nervosa) and once again on Erin’s Blog, (http://konheimmandras.com/)

 

Mark Brodinsky, Author, Blogger, Podcaster, Speaker, SpeechWriter, Emmy Winner, USHEALTH Advisors
(http://www.prweb.com/releases/markbrodinsky/072015/prweb12862708.htm)

Author: The #1 Amazon Best Seller: It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story
(http://www.amazon.com/Mark-Brodinsky/e/B00FI6R3U6)

The Podcast: (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/sunday-series-courage-inspiration/id1028611459)

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Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

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I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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Picasso said lesser artists borrow, great artists steal. I read a lot and one great idea can change the trajectory of your life. So with this in mind, some thoughts to share today, “stolen” from the mind of Peter Diamandis, among other major accomplishments, is author of the current best-seller, BOLD. Here now are Peter’s Laws […]

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