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The Sunday Series (59), with Mark Brodinsky

February 22, 2015 By markbrodinsky 2 Comments

We never know what might push us to the limit, make us step out over the edge and peer down into the abyss. The question is how do you pull yourself back? It  can be done. No matter how dark… there is light and a way to use that light to inspire others. One man is proving it every day.

I am Mark Brodinsky and this is The Sunday Series.

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The Sunday Series (59): Coming Out of The Dark

jeff emmerson

Jeff Emmerson has adult ADHD, it just took 35 years to figure that out. Millions of other people also share this mental health condition, and its OK to admit it. The problem is many don’t, are afraid, or remain misdiagnosed because they don’t realize that what is holding them back from living the life they deserve, from reaching their potential and making a difference is a condition that requires attention and focus, the same mind control they struggle to provide for themselves.

Jeff says he knew way back during his high school years that he wanted to inspire others. Those thoughts got him fired up, brightened his world, gave him strength. The problem was in the years to come the road to get to that place of inspiration would take so many twists and turns, especially in Jeff’s own mind, it didn’t seem possible.

During his youth, time after time, after wanting to be a pro-hockey goal tender, a body builder and then a host of other activities and eventually as he aged, working multiple low-paying, low-skilled jobs, Jeff remained angry and unsettled, unable to focus on work, or even in a meaningful, nurturing relationship with the opposite sex.

Then the wheels came off the cart.

“I had been so affected by my brother’s suicide”, says Jeff. “It is part of what pushed me.” Back in 2008, Jeff’s brother Ryan, took his own life. Jeff says Ryan was troubled with physical ailments, a spectrum of issues, but also had a wife and new daughter and a “ton of other stuff going on.” Jeff says the loss of his brother “did a huge number on me. It kills a part of everyone around you. I never experienced anything like that and it’s something I pray no one has to go through.”

Ryan Emmerson - Kitchener, Ontario. We LOVE you and miss you!

Suicide. It carries a stigma which some quickly conclude as selfish, leaving others behind because you just can’t handle the unfairness of life, after all life is not fair. But Jeff says it’s just not the case. “For me as I look back, the first thing is it that absolutely someone is not thinking about themselves at the time, people are in their own world, completely self-absorbed and in such pain you can’t think about others and you are in this spiral, this rabbit hole, this place… this dark place, wallowing in exhaustion and who-knows-what going on mentally. We should be less quick to judge and slug those people off as selfish – remember but for the grace of God go I. it can get a hold of anyone in any walk of life, not matter what you have going on for you.”

While his brother committing suicide rocked Jeff’s world, the trouble truly began years before with that lack of focus, what Jeff refers to as a racing mind.  After the loss of his brother, a very short-term marriage (4 months) and a failed attempt go back to school in his early 30’s all pointed to signs that something was amiss for Jeff Emmerson, but no one had yet gotten a handle on it.

It wasn’t until Jeff also nearly lost his own grip on reality. But it took the opportunity of nearly following in his brothers footsteps to bring it all to light. Jeff was working different jobs and eventually in 2011 had stepped into the world of entrepreneurship – as a copywriter and riding a wave, as so many others were, in the sea of the social media explosion. Jeff says in his business he had backed himself into a corner where he wasn’t building his client base quick enough and he was feeling down, way down, so low that Jeff was ready to fall apart, to end it all, just like his brother Ryan. Jeff had found love a second time and his new wife Aimee knew her husband had been depressed, feeling down, and always told her husband, “hey, don’t be afraid to wave the white flag and tell me I need someone to help me because I don’t know what to do.”

Jeff says he still remembers the feeling as he got ready to wrap the metal cable of the home gym around his neck: “inner self-hatred and self-loathing, feeling like I let down my wife, feeling like a complete failure. I had been hyper-focused for all these years, in the gym (where Jeff worked out as a body builder and helped others as well), so driven, but failing so many times, especially with different jobs and not knowing why. I had been so intensely positive at times and now I was so intensely the reverse. That was the formula for finally breaking down and wanting to die, wanting to end it all.” Jeff  planned to use that metal cable and end the suffering he was feeling, the hurt and the shame.

“I was a guy so full of pride. Everyone around me knows me as this guy – driven, with lots of potential, which made it tougher. The perception of others mattered to me more than how I felt about myself. But it was my wife who had told me not to be ashamed, to ask for help, and the thought of her support, combined with my own feelings about my Dad, who adopted me at eight weeks old. I thought, for him to lose two boys in his lifetime, there was no way he would make it. He never gave up on me once, no matter what, he has been a hero to me. All these thoughts were rapidly going through my head and the pain of leaning into that metal cable and ending it all became too much. I got down, went upstairs and in tears told my wife what I had just tried to do. She immediately drove me to the hospital.”

Jeff and Dad

Jeff and Dad

The years of pain and suffering for Jeff were about to be given a medical name – but his journey had just begun. Jeff was diagnosed with adult ADHD and a lesser version of bipolar disorder called cyclothymia.

jeff in treamment

Eight million people suffer with adult ADHD. That’s 4% of the US population alone, but many of those who have it feel alone. That’s why it can sometimes lead to or be linked with depression, or worse. Now that there was a root to the problem, the challenge for Jeff was to get better. That was late 2011 and though he started treatment and was put on several different medications, the trouble persisted. Still trying to hold down different jobs, Jeff was too anxious, his racing mind and anxiety raised suspicions, like the time he tried to get a job as an armored car driver. He kept harassing the recruiters to see if he got hired, so much so the employer started to question the decision of this man handling the responsibility of the position and handling a weapon. Though Jeff had acquired a firearms license, even the person who gave him the license wondered if it was the right move, because during the entire process Jeff never left her alone. “I kept asking”, says Jeff. “My mind always racing, the questioning yourself, the spiral that can easily happen. We worry so much over one thing that some people go and self-medicate or make a terrible decision, hopped up on speed and in a bad mood. It’s the quick mind, the worry, the anxiety, the panic.”

Adult ADHD Author Jeff Emmerson

By January 2013, Jeff voluntarily checked himself into a mental health center. He was going to get his life straight, and he realized the inspiration he wanted to bring to others was going to be about ADHD and he would eventually write a memoir. It wasn’t until the middle of last year that Jeff decided to get off the medication, (which Jeff warns you should only do with medical supervision or suffer dire consequences),  because at least in his case, it’s the counseling, the chance to talk through his issues which for him is the greatest “drug”.

Jeff started his ReThink ADHD blog, (http://jeffemmerson.com/),  with his number one goal to raise awareness, which is why a lot of what he writes about is for people who don’t have ADHD, so others can recognized the symptoms and are not so quick to judge those who might be suffering. “I have to admit I get off a little bit on standing up and speaking out” says Jeff, “I’m like a freight train inside. I still have that and always will. I am building my blog, building my Twitter account, writing articles for a few websites and going on from there.” Jeff helps his wife with her thriving business as a pioneer in the areas of digital strategy and search engine optimization and what he learns has helped Jeff to build his own brand and to spread the word about adult ADHD. And Jeff is doing a phenomenal job, having built a Twitter following alone of nearly 90,000 people, (https://twitter.com/ReThink_ADHD)

Adult-ADHD-Blog-Creator-Jeff-Emmerson-holding-Dr.-Richard-Sauls-Book-ADHD-Doesnt-Exist

Jeff says his vision for this is not 100% laser focused yet, and to be fair how many times in his life has Jeff been able to focus 100% on anything? But he says he is committed to the cause: “it’s number one the warrior inside, the whole Rocky story. I am the kid who was the person who was driven and encountered adversity. It’s not about the money, this is personal. It’s about my brother and about mental health. Being a friend, being someone who listens. You don’t get a blood test to prove you have ADHD and if people don’t start to realize this, then tons are going to suffer.”

For Jeff it’s the inspiration to change, to make a difference for others, to let them know they can pull back from the edge, turn away from the abyss and find that one ray of  light in the midst of darkness. Jeff Emmerson plans to be that light, he has a story to share and he is asking the world to listen.

jeff and dog

Until next time, thanks for taking the time

Mark

Mark Brodinsky, Author, Blogger, Speaker, Emmy Winner, Financial Services

The #1 Amazon Best-Seller: It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story
(http://www.spouses-story.com/)

For comments, feedback and suggestions for The Sunday Series, leave a comment on the blog, reach me on social media or e-mail: markbrodinsky@gmail.com

 

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Comments

  1. Cecilia Volkman says

    February 25, 2015 at 10:31 pm

    I wish jeff much success! I think he finally found his calling!

    Reply
  2. Cecilia Volkman says

    February 25, 2015 at 10:32 pm

    And of course, the article is extremely well written. It’s healthy to get the story out to help inspire others.

    Reply

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Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

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I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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