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The Sunday Series (20), with Mark Brodinsky

March 16, 2014 By markbrodinsky 1 Comment

20 Sundays. 20 of your stories. The mission: to provide courage, hope, inspiration and help put life in perspective.

The Sunday Series (20): Hope Matters

There is single parenting, then there is something else. Those who are forced to go it alone, by no fault of their own.

Sole parent. Not single, sole. Widow. Survivor. Different names, one distinction, doing it all…alone. The responsibility of life, not just yours, but those you helped bring into this world now relying on you, just you, to see them through.

Diane Hyatt knows what it’s all about. She knows what it takes, but it wasn’t until just recently she took the time to take care of herself.

Marty Hyatt, husband, father to the couple’s two young boys, passed away suddenly in May of 2009. A life lost and in the blink of an eye, three lives which needed to be rebuilt, three lives floating sometimes aimlessly in a sea of shock and heartache that only sudden death can bring. Diane says the first year was like living in a fog, trying to see through the thick mist and forge a path for her young boys, Kevin and Sean. Her sole focus; to be a sole parent and give the boys the life they deserve.

Hyatt family

Parenting with two partners can be tough enough. Going it alone, Diane says the challenges are many: “I am always questioning myself. Am I raising the kids the way Marty would have wanted me to raise them? Am I doing the right thing? I’m having the tough discussions, the financial concerns. I constantly worry and want to know I am guiding them in the right direction, hoping I am giving them the tools to live a great life, making sure I am doing the right thing.” The worry, the concern, the focus on her boys, now ages 17 and 13, never ends. And that focus for the past five years, the life of a young widow, has taken its toll.

Diane says she has tremendous support from family and friends, but the questions are always the same, “how are the boys, how are you?” It’s really no one’s fault, most times others don’t know what to say. They feel legitimate concern, but Diane says its tough to answer the same inquiries over and over. She says since most people aren’t living the life of a young widow, they just “don’t get it.” And she has been so busy raising her two boys on her own, she didn’t get it either. The “it” being time for her to grieve and to grow. Then she found Camp Widow. (http://www.campwidow.org/)

Notalonebadge

“It took me five years”, says Diane, “to do something for myself.” She says she learned about the program about a year ago. Camp Widow is just one of the events held by the organization, Soaring Spirits International, (http://www.sslf.org/). The focus of the organization… hope matters. It’s goal; to help widows realize they are not alone, a feeling Diane and many like her have to overcome. Each year nearly 800,000 people around the world are forced to go it alone. Soaring Spirits seeks to connect widowed people with each other. It’s all about community. It’s the relief of being understood by another widowed person, getting the opportunity to laugh, to cry, to have access to hope and help transform the person whose life has been forever altered by death.

group at camp widow

CampWidowShirts-240x320

Diane returned from her first Camp Widow experience just last week and her biggest takeaway she says, “they get it, they just get it.” For the first time in five years, Diane was no longer being asked the same questions by those who mean well, but don’t live the day-to-day struggle of sole parenting, of knowing what it’s like to be a young widow. The founder of Soaring Spirits, Michele Hernandez, a woman just like Diane, shares the same struggle.

michele

At only 37, Michele lost her husband and was left with two young children. She started Soaring Spirits because she found few to talk with who suffered the loss of a spouse. Camp Widow is part of the healing process, a light to find a way out of the fog, to resurface from the depths of despair, buoyed by others who are there to hold you up because they are living the same. For Diane, Camp Widow did just that, including a moment she will long remember, because it is one she had put off for so long.

On the final night of the three-day event the 150 widows in attendance were given an assignment, write a message to the one you loved and lost. These survivors took the time to share their true feelings, then folded them up into origami boats and released them into the waters near their hotel. Diane says it was incredible to see all those paper boats and messages heading out into the harbor in a flotilla of love and of hope. The moment was overwhelming. On that paper boat was a message from Diane and her boys to Marty. She told him so many things she had wanted to say over the past five years, but had never taken the time to do so. “It was huge for me”, says Diane. “I didn’t realize how emotional it was to be able to do that.”

message in a boat

origami boats

In that one weekend Diane realized what had been missing these past years, as she has struggled to survive and most importantly to bring some sense of normalcy to life for her boys, who are growing up without a father. Diane says before she made the definite decision to travel to Camp Widow she first talked to Kevin and Sean. And the first thing both boys told their mother, “Mom you need to go, you need to go, you never do anything for yourself.” Diane says the weekend she was away the boys were solely responsible for themselves, but it was her they worried about. She says the boys called or sent texts to her constantly to make sure she was OK. Diane says her sons are so protective of her because they have already suffered a tremendous loss, their greatest fear is to lose another.

The love and concern Kevin and Sean feel for their mom is a testament to the sacrifices she has made to make their world whole, despite the emptiness and loneliness she has struggled to overcome. But Diane says the weekend at Camp Widow turned her sense of loss into one of hope. “Knowing there are other people out there who have suffered the same and feel the same is so important to me. They love to hug at Camp Widow, they get it, they just get it.”

grief counselor

bookmark

To know you are not alone is a powerful feeling for anyone going through this journey we call life. But experience a great loss and that feeling of community can be a life-saver. For Diane, for other widows just like her, sole parents thrust into a world of making it OK for others, there is a great lesson. As Diane learned it’s alright to make it OK for yourself, to reconnect with who you are and get back on track. Diane says she hopes her experience and her story can inspire others to “do something for yourself, find hope, learn to love yourself so you can move on.”

As Diane has learned in a world where challenges abound – big and small – hope matters.

Until next time thanks for taking the time,
Mark

Mark Brodinsky, Author
It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story
#1 Amazon Best-Seller
Get the book: www.amazon.com/author/markbrodinsky
For feedback and to share an idea for The Sunday Series, send an e-mail markbrodinsky@gmail.com

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Comments

  1. Julie says

    March 19, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    I was fortunate to meet Diane at Camp Widow East – what a lovely woman and sweet spirit. Diane, I hope we have the opportunity to meet again. Sister Widow, Julie

    Reply

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Mark Brodinsky
Emmy Award Winner, 1996

Ever thought about writing a book? check this out!

Blog Reviews

Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

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Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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