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The Sunday Series (18), with Mark Brodinsky

March 2, 2014 By markbrodinsky Leave a Comment

dave and debbie in crown

All of us have a finish line. For most of us it’s invisible. We don’t know when, we don’t know where, we don’t know how, but we are going to cross it.

Unfortunately for others, it is a vision. Maybe much too close. They can see it, in an unclear haze, it’s there, causing fear, anxiety and sadness. Those who can see the finish line don’t want to, instead they look away from the sash and the banner, the one which reads END OF LIFE in bold letters, emblazoned across the front. Few among us want to cross that line too soon, so we look to the left and to the right for other words, like DETOUR or EXIT.

Anything to keep from crossing that line.

The Sunday Series (18): One Day at a Time

Courage. Hope. Inspiration. Three words defined by one person, Debbie Fink Green.

Her story, at least on this format, has no peer in relation to interest and support. Debbie Fink’s journey is viewed each and every day on this blog. There are a total of three posts focused on Debbie’s story, beginning with The Sunday Series (11), (http://markbrodinsky.com/the-sunday-series-11-with-mark-brodinsky/) and then the subsequent Courage & Hope and The Good News (http://markbrodinsky.com/the-good-news-its-just-about-life/).

Dave and debbie in bed

The initial idea for this story, back in January, came from Debbie’s stepmom, Becky Fink, she wanted to bring attention to Debbie’s life challenge, dealing with the rare illness of appendiceal cancer.

becky and debbie
The Summer of 2012

It is now just two months shy since Debbie’s most recent surgery, the one which removed a number of body parts below her waist. In fact, as she writes on her Caringbridge page, (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/debbiefinkgreen), over the past 30 months, these are her “fallen soldiers”: appendix, ovaries, uterus, cervix, fallopian tubes, bladder, rectum, parts of the colon and intestines, anus, sphincter, vagina, gallbladder. All gone.

The dirty dozen. Twelve body parts Debbie has sacrificed to fight this rare type of cancer, yet unbelievably she is pretty much eating whatever she wants and living as close to a normal existence as possible. Close is the key word. It’s what she and her husband Dave describe as her “new normal”. Every four to six hours Debbie must catheterize herself, something she said has been tough getting used to and the pouch inside her body, called Mainz, has started leaking, so later this week she will be back at the hospital in Houston, to find out why, get a fix (hopefully), and an update on her progress.

colostomy bags for debbie

Her most recent body scan was clean. “Not surprising”, says Debbie. “Since I only had surgery two months ago. The oncologist said to me what do you want to do now? Dave and I decided not to do chemotherapy. Just get the scan every few months.” Debbie and Dave don’t want the poison pumped into her body, after all she picked her poison, the removal of so many body parts, in her personal battle to beat the beast. And it sounds like her physical life, outside of the ostomies and the catheter, is trying to claim victory.

Post surgery, Debbie lost the weight she wanted to lose and has started exercising. In fact, she is hiking, 2-3 times a week! She gets out as often as she can to meet friends for lunch and stay in the flow of daily life. She’s had plenty of time to do so. A few weeks back the company she was working for downsized, cut her department and her position. Debbie says the hard part is not working, not being in a daily routine. She says, “If I had my dream, I would just write, or start over with a new career, but I’ve been in marketing for 20 years, so I’m interviewing in and around Los Angeles. I’m ready to work and have a routine. It would be nice to be back in the routine of waking up and going to work. I have a bunch of interviews next week.”

The lack of work and the unexpected and mounting medical bills have created another challenge. But as you find so many times in life, there are angels among us. A college friend of Debbie’s heard about her story and reached out to Dave to offer his help. He said he didn’t have money to give, but he had another idea. He is an event planner in New York City and said he would love to help with a benefit. Within three days of contacting them, there was a venue and a sponsor and on Saturday, March 29th @ 8pm, there will be a benefit and a silent auction to help the Green family at The Traffic Bar & Restaurant in Midtown East. All of the information is @ www.green4sal.com (Sal is Dave’s nickname for Debbie).

traffic restaurant
Traffic Restaurant & Bar

But for all of the dollar distress and the physical reconstruction, it might be the part of her body farthest removed from the surgery sites which is Debbie’s toughest challenge of all…her psyche. Cancer has a way of doing that. The word itself brings about fear and worry for the now and for the future. And the battle to beat it, is nothing short of an all-out-war. For Debbie, the mental strain of this war takes its toll. Debbie says she had a “hard time” when she came back home to California, after spending a month at MD Anderson Cancer Center, following her surgery on January 6th. She says her psyche is “ok right now. I take things one day at a time. I can’t really worry about the future, or even plan too much for the future. It’s hard to live with the ostomies. They (the doctors) really think the cancer will come back, they just don’t know when. They hope it doesn’t, but they think it will.”

That’s hard. But this most courageous of women fights back against her depression as well. She turned to Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, (TMS), a therapy which uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain to improve the mind, aid the psyche. Debbie says it really does help her mood.

Talking to Debbie, all I can think is who among us would be this strong? Words have power, but sometimes even they fall short to pay tribute to the character, conviction and unbelievable spirit Debbie possesses. She is doing everything, everything in her power to live life, the gift we all feel we so richly deserve, but is wrought with challenges and sometimes heartbreak.

Everybody loses. The question is, what do you do about it? If you can unfortunately see the finish line in the distance, do you run in the other direction? You can’t, it’s impossible. Going back in time is not an option. You can only move forward, but you can look around, think outside-the-box, ask for help, scan the path and if you’re lucky, find a detour, or an exit. The road you find might be the one less traveled. In fact, as in Debbie’s case, it most certainly is. But you take it anyway, because you want this “gift” to continue.

Dave and debbie kiss on dance floor

It was I who called Debbie to ask for and to share this update. It was me reaching out to her, not the other way around. I can tell you as tough as it is to hear her story, I am truly inspired by Debbie’s journey, her unfailing determination and indomitable spirit to fight on.

hope picture

Debbie appreciates all the support and everybody following her story. “That holds true now, more than ever”, says Debbie. “It is too tough to think about the future.” Instead, she says she is “focusing on the day at hand.” Simply taking it one day at a time.

Sometimes, that’s the best medicine of all.

Until next time, thanks for taking the time.

Mark

Debbie’s Caringbridge page, (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/debbiefinkgreen), Debbie’s Huffington Post site: (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debbie-fink/), Dave Green’s Blog: (http://srpmitm.tumblr.com/?og=1),

Mark Brodinsky, Author, Blogger, Speaker, Emmy-Award Winner, Financial Services

Author, The #1 Amazon Best-Seller: It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story
(http://www.spouses-story.com/)

For feedback, or to share a story idea, you can e-mail markbrodinsky@gmail.com

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Mark Brodinsky
Emmy Award Winner, 1996

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Blog Reviews

Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

Aileen Braverman

I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

Beverlee Rendelman

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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Courage & Hope: It’s Just About… Life.

Since posting the Sunday Series and sharing the story about Debbie Fink Green and her battle against appendiceal cancer and pending surgery, I have re-learned a great deal. People care, want to support others and are rooting for you every step of the way. Thousands are watching and waiting for the outcome, the latest update […]

Giving Thanks, The “Extra” Chapter: It’s Just About… Life.

It is Thanksgiving Day. A day of reflection and gratitude and with that in mind I have decided to give thanks for you, by giving away something for free. This now is the “extra” chapter, for those who followed my wife’s breast cancer journey and my journal online,(www.caringbridge.org), or have read the book, this is […]

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