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The Sunday Series (147), with Mark Brodinsky

April 30, 2017 By markbrodinsky Leave a Comment

Never stop.

The ability to keep moving, to keep going, to keep changing is something each of us has the capacity to choose – and that’s the key – it’s a choice. We must choose to learn, to love, to truly live and do so in a way that serves others. One way is to share what we have. One thing we have, one of our greatest gifts, is our story.

Everyone has a story.

I am Mark Brodinsky and this is The Sunday Series.


The Sunday Series (147): The Voice

Dana Simmons will tell you herself, she chooses happiness. More than 30 years ago she also made a choice to marry a man from Alabama. That choice would change her life.

In fact the choice ultimately led to the voice, the voice talking to her inside her head, as she lie there in her own backyard, staring up at the trees and hoping to stay alive.

“The voice told me to make sure I love myself. As I lay there, I said, ‘I love you Dana. You did a good job.’ I said I love myself, cause I didn’t have anyone else in that moment to say I love you. I didn’t die. I just said, ‘I’m not going to die. I’m going to get up. I’m going to live.”

Thirteen years before that moment Dana said, “I do”, and was wed to a minister, a man who performed his own service. A man Dana describes as, “very good-looking, very well-educated, with big dimples, movie-star looks like Richard Chamberlain.” But what Dana didn’t know then, looks can be deceiving.

It was Dana’s mom who encouraged her to go meet the man from Birmingham. Dana had just finished serving as maid-of-honor at her sister’s wedding, a wedding performed by this same minister. After the wedding Dana went to her mom feeling confused and wondering what to do about her own life – her mom told her to make an appointment with the nice man who conducted the ceremony.

That appointment carried forward, as the minister took a liking to Dana and the two started dating. Dana was impressed with his credentials. “Jim explained to me he spoke several languages,” says Dana. “He graduated magna cum laude, had a masters in English and a doctorate in Theology. We talked for a while in that first appointment and he asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner the next week.”

Dana says she felt safe and secure with Jim, thought he was honest and she looked up to him. She says he was greatly admired by the church and the parishioners, so when Jim asked Dana to marry, she said yes. The wedding was performed by Minister Jim, in the same backyard where Dana grew up.

It was a good life. “Jim ended up working at a small church in Colorado,” says Dana. “We (Dana and her young daughter Ashley, from a previous marriage), would attend Sunday church with him. He would give his sermons, they were very interesting. He was well-respected and loved and I was very proud to be his wife.”

When the position of pastor for the church became available, Jim believed he would get the job. A vote was held and the decision was made to give the position to someone else. “Jim was outraged,” says Dana. “He couldn’t accept it, he was so upset.”

Dana made the suggestion that Jim enter into real estate, an industry where Dana had connections from her work a few years back. It ended up being a good idea for her husband, as he partnered up with a well-known restaurantor in the Denver area and the two became very successful in commercial real estate.

But success in business, doesn’t always translate to success at home. It was around the same time…the trouble began.

“We moved into a new six-thousand square foot home in an affluent neighborhood,” says Dana. “We had lots of parties, we entertained, commissioners and mayors and other politicians attended because they wanted to do business with Jim and his partner. Around the same time Dana and Jim learned they would be expecting their first child together.

“When I was pregnant with John, I would wait for Jim to come home each evening. He would call and say he was on his way, then he wouldn’t show up for hours. I would make a steak dinner for the two of us, and wait for him and he would show up at like 10-pm. I would get very angry. There would always be an excuse. A flat tire, a late meeting with his partner, or something going on at one of the restaurants.”

It was then Dana started seeing things in the car…earrings, hair ribbons and knew Jim must be seeing someone else. She turned to her mom for help and guidance. Dana said she was distraught and just wanted “to die”. Her mother told her to keep it together. But while still pregnant with John, Dana’s mom passed away after a battle with cancer.

Distraught over her mom’s death Dana went into premature labor, but the doctors managed to stop it and John was born full-term. But the trouble at home continued. Dana says, “things started happening to me in the big house. Jim would come home at noon, rush to get the mail, then take the phone off the hook so nobody could call. I would have people in my home looking at me while I made breakfast. Eventually someone knocked on the door and delivered a subpoena. Jim said it was because of the tax reform act of 1986, it impacted the real estate market and many of the properties he and his partner had for sale went into foreclosure. He had borrowed money from family and friends. He started drinking more, became more violent…not against me, but he refused to tell me what was really going on, his partner wouldn’t talk either.”

Eventually they were going to take our house, but Jim said he had an idea to move the family to another state. He said he had a plan to start up a business. So we made the move. He got our friends, the commissioners, a senator and others to give him money to invest in this new venture. We got a nice house, I decorated it beautifully and all was going to be fine.”

Except Jim couldn’t secure the seed money for the new business. Because he owed money Jim couldn’t get a necessary loan for his new venture. “He had all these great plans,” says Dana. “We were going to make a lot of money. But he couldn’t get funded and then he couldn’t pay back the money he borrowed for us to live on.”

Jim decided it was best to go back to his home state pf Alabama and convinced Dana to make the move with the family, consisting now of three children, Ashley, John and Ben. The family rented two Ryder trucks and headed to a hotel in Birmingham.  Dana says her husband told her he was going to take one of the trucks and put the furniture into a storage unit. So he left to make the drop.

It’s been said the meaning of love is giving another human being the power to destroy you…and then hoping they won’t use it. Until they do.

Jim left that night, and never came back.

“We had no money, no cash, nothing,” says Dana. “I didn’t know what to do. I had never been in such a shock in my whole life. I contacted a friend in Colorado who loved the furniture I had and told her I would sell it to her. I asked her to send the money to buy it. She did. I had a baby grand piano and I called all these churches and got one to buy it for $5,000. They gave me $2,500 up-front and told me they would pay me the rest in a month. I got the cash, loaded the furniture and our clothing into the one Ryder truck and started to drive myself and my kids back home.”

Dana tearfully remembers that long ride back to Colorado. “I had everything loaded up in that truck,” says Dana, describing her experience through her tears. “But I forgot to lock the back latch and it all came out on the highway. It was a mess. I just wanted to get myself and my three kids back home.”

Dana eventually got her family back home, found a townhouse, got a job as a pharmacy technician at a local hospital, managed to get her kids back in school and did the best she could.

But Dana says Jim found his way back there too. Dana says Jim managed to maintain his relationship with the kids through phone calls and ended up staying in a house down the street from the one she purchased. She says he would regularly sneak in and steal money, basically finding a way in while she was at work.

She says she went to friends, co-workers, churches, even the police, because she believed her ex-husband was stalking her and was going to kill her. She says no one would help. Most didn’t believe her, until that day in 1996.

It was May 24th and after agreeing to meet Jim in her kitchen to discuss child support, Dana says she found herself running through her backyard, trying to escape from her ex-husband, who was chasing her…with a gun.

“I heard the voice,” remembers Dana. “It told me to zig and zag. Jim had already fired once and hit me in the arm. I tried to get out, but the fence to the backyard had a padlock on it.” The same lock meant to keep Jim out. Dana says, “the voice told me don’t run in a straight line, so Jim can’t take aim and hit me again. But he eventually caught up to me. He threw me down, stepped on me and put the gun to the back of my neck and pushed it hard. I heard the voice again. It told me to jerk my head and as I did Jim fired the gun. I thought I was going to die. Jim stood up and walked back toward the house. The same voice told me to play dead and not move. I saw him go into the house and heard one more shot. I thought for sure he had shot my son Ben who was the only other person inside the house.”

That’s when the voice also told Dana to turn over and stare up at the trees, focus on something pretty. She says should could taste metal in her mouth and expected to suffocate, for her lungs to fill up with blood, but it didn’t happen and Dana didn’t die.

As she would soon come to learn, the shot she heard inside the home was the single gunshot of Jim taking his own life. The bullet he fired into Dana’s neck had somehow found itself lodged in a spot where the skull meets the spine, just two centimeters from the c-2 vertebrae. The doctors said it was a “God thing” that Dana wasn’t killed and there was nothing they could do right now to get the bullet out.

Eventually the bullet was removed, but Dana says the experience with her ex-husband was so traumatic, it led to post-traumatic stress disorder for her and serious life challenges for her children, sending one to an institution and another into a life of alcoholism and depression.

But the power of the human spirit is limitless and from any situation, there is a chance to find a way back. Those who ignored her cries for help have since come to apologize. Dana immersed herself in her work – first at the pharmacy, a bank, then in service to others suffering through domestic violence and eventually in the insurance industry. In 2012 she found a home and what she calls her “second family” at USHEALTH Advisors.

“I am so blessed to have my friends at USHA,” says Dana. “I adore this place and I am dedicated to the company and to our President, Troy McQuagge. Troy has made it clear this is all about the agents and our customers. My life is my career and I have chosen that over everything else.  I understand what an incredible opportunity this is and I get it. We serve. It’s helping other people everyday. This company gives me the opportunity to make as much money as I want to make. I have fought like a dog in life and I’m used to working hard, I have a great work ethic and I know I have to provide for my family.”

Dana continues, “I also do believe I now speak for the women who have died because of domestic violence. God let me live. I was basically murdered, but I didn’t die. If anyone can learn something from this story, it is when somebody says they need help, they really need help. You don’t turn the other cheek. You do something.”

It’s now Dana’s voice others are hearing to make sure they know how grateful she is. “I want everyone to know that I appreciate every minute God has given me. This is my second chance at life and I’m going to make the most of it.”

Until next time thanks for taking the time,

Mark Brodinsky

Write. Speak. Inspire.

Author: The #1 Amazon Best Seller: It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story
(http://www.amazon.com/Mark-Brodinsky/e/B00FI6R3U6)

For more info on using Mark to Write. Speak. Inspire. for your organization or business –
markbrodinsky@gmail.com/443-865-2795

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Mark Brodinsky
Emmy Award Winner, 1996

Ever thought about writing a book? check this out!

Blog Reviews

Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

Aileen Braverman

I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

Beverlee Rendelman

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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