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The Sunday Series (124), with Mark Brodinsky

October 9, 2016 By markbrodinsky Leave a Comment

One of the great mysteries in life is that things are not what they seem – and the closer you get to something you thought you knew – the more you realize how little you really do.

It’s eye-opening and mind-altering to learn that someone’s journey is not only different then you ever imagined, but you may never, (because most people don’t), have taken the time to learn the real story of that journey.

After all, everyone has a story.

I am Mark Brodinsky and this is The Sunday Series.


The Sunday Series (124): Stage IV

beth-and-heart

“Hard times do not come to stay, they come to pass.“ – Les Brown, motivational speaker

We have no choice but to believe this statement to be true, for without hope what’s left?  But here’s one of the greatest challenges in life – still keeping the faith when the message is that you’re the one who is going to pass!

For Beth Fairchild, these were the words she received as she sat in front of her doctor, one week removed from a full hysterectomy: “Sitting there on the exam table in the doctor’s office, the doctor reiterated to me what I had been told shortly after coming out of surgery – you have Stage IV cancer – breast cancer. There are rare treatments available said the doc, but there is no cure for this. ‘I said how long do I have?’ Then just like in a movie she said, statistically speaking two years, 24 months, maybe a little more or a little less. That’s when I felt the air sucked out of the room.”

For Beth air had been in short supply since May of 2014, when after feelings of fatigue and intestinal distress she went to the doctor. “You are a 34-year-old business owner, (Beth is a tattoo artist), and foster parent, of course you’re tired”, the doctor told Beth. “Except the fatigue and the pain got worse”, Beth says. “Eventually my ovaries were tested and found to be growing very quickly, getting bigger all the time, so the choice was to have a hysterectomy because of the high rate of cancer in my family.”

beth-before-surgery

The hysterectomy was completed, the ovaries removed, but the story had taken a turn. “The doctors come in to wake me up”, says Beth, “and tell me my entire pelvic cavity is fused together as cancer. They said the pathology report came back – as breast cancer.  A week before the surgery I had a mammogram, after my hysterectomy I got a letter in the mail about that same mammogram, it said ALL CLEAR, see you next year. I probably would have never given it another thought.”

Breast cancer without any symptoms in the breast. Beth’s case is unusual, but not unheard of. As Beth states and most of us never stop to think about – “no one has ever died from breast cancer.”

When you do stop to think about it, it seems illogical, but true. As Beth explains, “women and men DO NOT die from breast cancer, they die when the cancer metastasizes and spreads to other parts of the body. 30 % of all breast cancer victims are diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer – Stage IV.”

Stage IV breast cancer means that the cancer has spread to other areas of the body, such as the brain, bones, lungs and liver.  In most cases Stage IV means it’s the beginning of the end, a death sentence. For Beth this was the reality and after learning of her own diagnosis she says she “went home to die”.

“How could I have terminal cancer at age 34?”, Beth thought. “I go to the gym five days a week, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke I should have been a poster woman, a role model for someone to not get cancer.”

But yet she did. And Beth says it took more than two months to process the news.

beth-in-black-and-white

For someone who has always been a doer, an achiever, a fixer and a person who serves others and puts herself last, this was a problem, a problem Beth says she couldn’t make right. “I couldn’t fix it for me”, says Beth. “I couldn’t fix it for my husband, my kids and my mother who would have to bury me. I couldn’t fix it and I had no control over it. I wanted to fix it. I couldn’t believe my disease and my death could cause the most pain the people I love will ever experience in their lifetime. All these feelings and thoughts on top of the physical pain I was going through.”

Beth speaks in past tense, but is presently living in Stage IV. Nearly two-and-a-half year after diagnosis, the fact is she is still living, a blessing for her and those she loves.

beth-and-mom

The pain of metastatic cancer is not only physical, mental and emotional, there is also the pain you feel for others traveling along the same journey. “Breast cancer will not kill you until it becomes metastatic”, says Beth. “And once that happens there is no cure. Every year we are losing mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, cousins – 40,000 people a year and that has not changed in 30 years. So what in the heck has all this Breast Cancer Awareness gotten us if the death toll has not changed in three decades?”

“Once I dove into the research and met women who had the diagnosis of Stage IV, I found all this pink washing and celebratory month of October to feel like one big fat lie. All the focus is on prevention and survivors, but what about those where the cancer has metastasized. All cancers can metastasize, there is a death rate of 600,000 people a year and 90% die from metastatic diseases. So why don’t you hear about metastatic cancer?”

It’s a fair question and one which Beth and people like Christine Benjamin are trying to provide answers to – as well to offer support and caring. Christine is the Director of Breast Cancer Awareness Programming at SHARE Cancer Support, (https://www.sharecancersupport.org/). SHARE supports, educates, and empowers people affected by breast or ovarian cancer. One of the most effective ways to do this is to connect those going through the trauma of cancer with other survivors. It’s all about relationship and community, either face-to-face or on the phone. All of SHARE’s services are free of charge and confidential.

share-40 share-volunteers

Christine is a breast cancer survivor, diagnosed early stage in 2000 and after ten years volunteering with a different organization has spent her most recent years working with SHARE. She is only one of the other five members of her family diagnosed with breast or ovarian cancer who has survived, so it is her mission to give support to those dealing with this often deadly disease. And she knows that those in Stage IV, those living with metastatic breast cancer can feel isolated and alone.

“There are a few common threads”, says Christine. “People are scared, terrified… you get this diagnosis and you look on the internet and it says you have 2-1/2 years to live. There is a high level of anxiety and depression and that’s probably the number one challenge, financial issues are number two. Sometimes treatments recommended are not covered, or there is a big lag time in getting treatment. When they get them, the treatments can be debilitating. There are women who feel their doctors don’t listen, they feel unheard and can become invisible in the moment.”

share-on-the-phone

SHARE attempts to give those living with the disease the comfort of speaking with others going through it. There is power, peace and solace in the human connection and shared experience. Christine says she knows the services SHARE provides is something remarkable: “We supported a woman in early stage breast cancer recently, then she became metastatic. Everyone in our office of volunteers and support groups had spoken to this woman at one time or another. I went back and looked at the logs and we had spoken with her over 300 times. I myself was talking to her on Christmas Eve. There was someone always there for her for three years, even there for her family after she passed.”

Christine and friend

Christine and friend

Though Beth has not utilized the services SHARE provides she says she met Christine at a metastatic breast cancer conference in North Carolina and Beth herself is a tremendous advocate for those, like her, living in Stage IV, but especially for those women diagnosed under age 40.

Beth is also part of METAvivor, founded in 2007 by four women in Annapolis, Maryland. Beth says once you are diagnosed metastatic you really don’t relate to other cancer patients. “There are cancer groups that ask us not to come”, says Beth, “because they see us as “debbie downers” and don’t want us to scare other patients. But METAvivor is making a difference. The group raised enough money last year to give away $1 million for grants, volunteer organizations and grass-roots initiatives. 100% of the money raised goes to research and support, there is nothing used for overhead, offices or salaries. (http://www.metavivor.org/)

metavivor

It’s all about fighting for research that could at worst prolong and at best save the lives of those trying to live with metastatic cancer, those living day-to-day in Stage IV reality.

October 13th has been designated as National Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day, part of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. One day to recognize those who live beyond awareness, those who live in the sobering reality of Stage IV Breast Cancer.

stage-iv-still-fighting

The central focus of MBC Awareness Day will be in Washington DC and the Stage IV Stampede. (http://www.metavivor.org/take-action/campaigns/stage-iv-stampede/).

The event will include a one-mile march from the Washington Monument to the U.S. Capitol, a Die-In to represent the 113 individuals that die each day from MBC, and an educational briefing on emerging opportunities and challenges in research. It will also include team-based meetings with the offices of Senators and House Representatives who will be educated about Stage IV and ask them to support the community by funding additional research and improving access to care and treatments. SHARE will have a representative there as well, a woman they call Dr. Joan, a METAvivor since 2007.

stage-iv-stampede

Currently all metastatic breast cancer gets only 7% of the funding allocated for cancer research. As Beth, living in the middle of her Stage IV battle bluntly explains, “I’m sorry, but these people are dying, why is there not more funding for research to save lives or make our quality of life better?”

In her own life Beth has her husband and two 17-year-old daughters by her side, living through this ordeal. She says after her 18 rounds of chemotherapy her hair is getting long enough now to put a ponytail in and to go to the gym 4-to-5 days a week and be engaged in advocacy. “My family sees me as strong and active”, says Beth. “But I’m not naive to the fact that this can change quickly and next month I might not be doing so well. They were devastated, sad and scared like I was when I got the diagnosis. We didn’t know if I would live, or die, or what. It’s kind of been a learning process for all of us and we all four try and live in the moment and enjoy each day.”

“I hope the work I’m doing is going to make a difference and drugs will be designed to keep me alive. I always tell people that unfortunately it took cancer to slow me down and make me pay attention and live in the moment. Don’t let something happen before you appreciate what you have. Don’t let this happen before you slow down and enjoy life.”

For a complete list of support groups, to learn more and ways you can volunteer, contribute or donate visit: (http://www.mbcinfocenter.com/)

Mark Brodinsky, Author

The #1 Amazon Best-Seller: It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story

 

The Sunday Series with Mark Brodinsky. Real Stories of Courage, Hope & Inspiration

 

 

 

 

 

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Mark Brodinsky
Emmy Award Winner, 1996

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Blog Reviews

Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

Aileen Braverman

I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

Beverlee Rendelman

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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