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The Sunday Series (115), with Mark Brodinsky

July 31, 2016 By markbrodinsky Leave a Comment

It’s the journey, plain and simple.

We are all traveling along and the path is rarely straight, or flat. It is filled with twists, turns, hills, valleys and sometimes mountains to climb. But learning from others who have found the will to do it, against seemingly insurmountable odds, should serve to inspire each and every one of us.

Everyone has a story.

I am Mark Brodinsky and this is The Sunday Series.


The Sunday Series (115): The Ride

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It was as if he had a premonition.

Rakeem Bowdry says when he hopped into his car to head to his friend’s house on May 15th 2011, it was his 6-year-old cousin who wanted to join him. When Rakeem told his cousin he couldn’t come for the ride, he could see worry and concern in the young boy’s eyes… and with good reason. It would be three months before Rakeem would see his home again.

Rakeem arrived at his friend’s house in northern Mississippi, the house where everyone went to “hang”, but his friend wasn’t home just yet. Another of Rakeem’s friends pulled up to the house and asked him to hop in his car to go for a ride to the store. An innocent request, but a ride that would change his life. What Rakeem didn’t know at the time, his friend had gotten off work early and had a few drinks. After the two finished picking up some items at the store, they got back in the car, unbeknownst to Rakeem, his friend was “feeling it” behind the wheel.

“We got what we needed at the store and my friend pulled out of the parking lot”, says Rakeem. “But instead of going back to our friend’s house, he went in the opposite direction. I asked him ‘where are we going?’, he said, ‘just driving a little bit’. I felt like something was wrong, it didn’t feel right. As we were riding I was busy checking my phone, but I could feel the car speeding up, the next thing I know I heard him hit the gas and he was going too fast. I recognized the area we were in, it was familiar, and I knew all about the hill. If you speed up, you fly down the hill, but before I could move my mouth to say slow down, we were right there.”

And they were flying.

It was the last thing Rakeem remembers before he could hear the EMT’s asking him his name. He says he said it slowly, then he went unconscious again. That was the moment they pronounced him dead at the scene. That was until all of a sudden Rakeem took a short breath, the EMT’s rushed back and immediately intubated him, providing him the oxygen to keep him alive, even though as Rakeem will tell you, he soon thought he would be better off dead.

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In a drug-induced coma, it would be a week before the doctors allowed Rakeem to regain consciousness and when he returned to awareness it was panic that set in. He couldn’t move or feel anything. The doctors shared the news: Rakeem broke his neck in the car accident and would probably never walk again. The diagnosis began a downward spiral that lasted for months.

“When I heard that I immediately broke down in tears”, says Rakeem. “I started to panic even more and I cried for like two weeks straight, realizing it might mean I could never go back to school, (Rakeem had just finished his first year of college), or to touch a loved one.” For the man who describes himself as having a poetic and caring heart, the pain was too much to bear. That heart was breaking.

Rakeem spent his 19th birthday in isolation in ICU, on feeding tubes, unable to talk or speak. He says people would come to see him and speak to him, but he couldn’t respond. It didn’t help those who visited had to wear special suits to protect Rakeem from infection. “It was a horrible feeling”, he says. “All these tubes in my mouth. All I could think is I have no life after this, this is it.”

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Lying alone, unable to move or speak, it’s easy to let darkness set in. Rakeem says all he could do was think of the past and what he would no longer be able to do. Play sports, run with his friends, help his grandmother, his mother, his aunt, travel to see his father in California. Rakeem says of he and his siblings, he was the one who was reliable and always wanted to help out, to clean, to keep things in order. But now what could he do?

Life BEFORE the Ride

Life before The Ride

Rakeem says: “I had a conversation with God and started praying and asked what is it you are trying to show me, please show me why did this happen? I told Him I’d rather be dead, I’d rather you take me away then have to go through this. I felt lonely and depressed, I needed someone to be around all the time. Every minute was complications and anxiety attacks. They had to come in and suction fluid out of my lungs.  There are times I lay there, all alone and want to give up. I didn’t feel like fighting. The doctors and nurses would tell me to take deep breaths and do this and that, but I didn’t’ care.  Because I didn’t feel like living. It’s how I felt the first two months, very much on the dark side.”

It’s not uncommon. When left to face tremendous adversity and challenges which on the surface appear insurmountable, the mind is ready and willing to give in, to give up, to run, to hide and make you believe all hope is lost. What you need in those moments, to turn things around, is a helping hand and a lot of faith.

For Rakeem it came from someone who reminded him of his purpose.

“There was a priest who always came to see me”, says Rakeem. “When they finally took the tubes out I still couldn’t really talk, but he tried to listen to me by reading my lips. He told me if I wanted to get better, not to forget I was a man of God. I tried giving up, but it wasn’t in my heart, I’m not like that. I started thinking about what I want to live for. I wanted to see people happy again and see my grandma again. She couldn’t come to see me because she had to take care of things at home. I started praying. My faith got stronger and I just wanted to better myself. It was my faith that kept me going. I started fighting and I slowly saw the change.”

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After enduring two months of “darkness” Rakeem saw the light and by August 10th, three months after the accident, he was released from the hospital.

Confined to a wheelchair and paralyzed from the chest down, the transition home wasn’t easy. Rakeem says people would come by to talk and not know what to say. His friend, the one who was driving the car, came to see him and apologize, feeling tons of regret for what had happened. There were still dark moments for Rakeem: an infection which led him back to the hospital on Thanksgiving, one of his grandmothers passing away right before his 20th birthday, and the inner desire to do “something”.

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Rakeem knew he needed more rehab and therapy to keep him out of his “dark place” and by scouring the internet he managed to find his way to the Kennedy Kreiger Institute in Baltimore to participate in a study for people with spinal cord injuries. He suffered through the trauma of getting from Mississippi to Baltimore. There was only one friend to help him and a seemingly endless waiting game of switching his insurance to a new state. But he manged to work through it and eventually found his way to the Ronald McDonald House of Baltimore.

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During his rehab stints, some of them three months at a time, Rakeem took up residency at the House and he says the families that came through there wanted to know his story.

Rakeem says: “Everybody who is there has something they are going through, or involved in and I got the chance to offer inspiration because so many people wanted to know my story and how I got through it. Coming to the Ronald McDonald House and meeting these people was the direction God wanted me to go, because I started to get a new direction for my life. What can I do, what can I do for others?”

“If I never met the staff there and came to that place I don’t know what my life would have been. I felt like they saved my life. They helped me gain a different perspective on life. Imagine if they had turned me away or said no. Their attitude and spirit made me feel welcome and I shared my story with them and talked about all my struggles. I still had some dark times during rehab in Baltimore, but it’s just part of learning to live with a spinal injury. Not too many people would attempt to do what I did.”

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Rakeem is now back with his mom and brothers and sisters in Mississippi. Unfortunately both grandmothers he loved and used to help so much have both passed on. But Rakeem is ready to share what he is learning by writing a book and getting a degree in communication and maybe psychology, as well as starting a foundation to help people like himself and others with disabilities. He would like to be the face of the cause to help people with spinal cord injuries, much like Christopher Reeves was after his accident many years ago.

Rakeem also wants to inspire: “I want people to realize there is opportunity as long as you keep trying and pushing, as long as you don’t give up, because I almost gave up. But good things can happen as long as you continue to persevere, have faith in God and in yourself something great can happen, no matter what.”

The Ride of life continues…

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Until next time thanks for taking the time,

Mark

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Author: The #1 Amazon Best Seller: It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story
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Mark Brodinsky
Emmy Award Winner, 1996

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Blog Reviews

Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

Aileen Braverman

I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

Beverlee Rendelman

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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Heard this one before? Change is inevitable, growth is optional.  I’m sure you have. Now how about pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. That was a new one for me when I first heard it, (or read it), a few weeks ago. Makes you wonder why we don’t live bigger lives. Just maybe it’s because […]

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