Life & The Sunday Series

All I could think was, “that’s my baby”. Another moment.

The other night my youngest, Emily, stood up from amongst the other orchestra members on stage at her elementary school, with microphone in hand and did it. She didn’t sing, instead it was her purpose, her responsiblity, to explain the next piece of music and how they were going to play it. She did it eloquently, perfectly, with a big smile, received a round of applause and then sat back down. A simple, solitary act, but more meaningful in the multitude of moments I hold for her in my heart.

Emily first came to tell me the other day, proudly, that she had been given a speaking part in the Winter Concert at school. She started to explain it, then held back, telling me I would see what she meant. You see Emily plays trumpet in the orchestra. She just started it this year in 5th grade and we all chuckled a bit when she decided that was what she wanted to play. Mainly because the instrument is about half her size, and we knew with her discipline and dedication we would be hearing the practicing going on in our home all (school) year long. Actually, Emily doesn’t overdo it with the practice, and she is actually quite good. You can’t exactly tap your feet to the music, but she’s got the keys and the notes down.

But I digress. So there she was in her white and gray dress, hair perfectly straightened and hanging down past her shoulders, playing along with the rest of the orchestra. When the first song ended, they handed her a microphone, and she popped up just above the music sheet holder in front of her and read her piece about the next song to be played and its meaning. Crazy thing is, I have no idea what she said, I was just so proud she was saying it and saying it so perfectly, I was focused on the performance, not the content. But she knocked it out of the park. After she was finished, one of our friends snapped a picture, with his camera (a real camera, not the smartphone kind). I don’t have the picture yet, but he showed to me right afterward. Emily, with her head tilted to one side, and a huge, beautiful smile from ear to ear. He told me he had been taking pictures of all the kids, especially those we know from “the hood” and Emily was the picture of the night. His words, not mine. I’ll take it.

To know Emily, is to know that it was really not a big deal for her to get up and speak, but it WAS a big deal to be asked to do it. She prides herself on accomplishment and is disciplined and focused on any task she is given. The kid is a doer – from the time she was small – when she wanted to do everything “myself”, as she would say. She is shy to say hello sometimes, which can give you the misperception she is cold. Couldn’t be further from the truth. My baby is as sweet and loving as they come. But her shy demeanor around others, made the solo performance she gave the other night a more meaningful act for those who might only get a meek hello from her when they see her in public. I think they have new respect for that quiet kid.

Again it was a moment. When I launched the blog last week, I spoke of Sophie and the place she holds in my heart as my first. Her beauty, creativity and sense of humor is remarkable. Emily holds the other spot. She’s my baby. Always will be. She is just as beautiful, creative and funny. I couldn’t possibly be a luckier man. And there are none coming behind her. She’s it. If I could keep her little I would. At 10 years old, it’s already happening too fast. You want your baby to stay a baby… to hold onto that last gasp of innocence that makes life so refreshing. But the one thing you can’t control, time, keeps moving forward. Always. So you buckle up and enjoy the ride — as we go from diapers to diamonds, and all the moments in between.

It was another moment. From the toddler that used to scream “I do it myself”, if you had the audacity to do it for her. She would then undo what you did and redo it, herself. The other night she did it. Herself. And I couldn’t be more proud.

The girl that sees so much in black and white, adds so much incredible color to my world.

I love you Emily, forever.

Til next time, thanks for taking the time.

Mark

Talk about going deep. I made a vow to do it on this page, the Ravens did it last night. They wrote the script for this blog and if you do nothing else, at least give yourself the gift of reading the transcript of Ray Lewis’s news conference I put at the bottom of this page.  It’s 2 minutes of your life you will never want back.

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Ravens down by 7. Third and 3 from the 30 with 31 seconds in regulation and to timeouts.  Flacco to Jacoby. Touchdown.

The Mile High Miracle. But damn it’s so much more than that.

Yes it’s about sports, but it’s about inspiration, it’s about dedication, it’s about a dream, it’s about a vision, it’s about a plan, it’s about grit and it’s about success.  The Ravens. Joe Flacco. Jacoby Jones. Ray Lewis. Ray Rice. Josh Tucker. Corey Graham. Everyone on that team showed us last night how you never, ever give up.  You must find a way to persevere against the greatest of adversity. If you have a dream, create a vision, have a goal, command great leadership of yourself and of others, have an unwavering devotion to planning and practice and grind it out, you can do anything. As John Harbaugh said that game did football proud.  But that game was much more than a game. It was a lesson in life and it was special.

Who didn’t feel like someone had put a spring under the sofa, and leaped into the air when Jones brought that ball to his chest and pranced into the end zone?  Who didn’t experience the unbelievable moment of heart-stopping exhilaration? Even the minimalist sports fan had to feel something after that catch, after that comeback, right?  Because despite it’s problems and despite the critics, sports can still take you there.  You don’t have to idolize, just enjoying the ride is enough. And sometimes, the game teaches you a life lesson you might just carry over to the next day… and beyond.  Keep it in your heart, stay steadfast to the kind of game plan the Ravens put in place, pay attention to how they overcame adversity, and luck just might present itself at your doorstep.  The Ravens were serious underdogs, playing on a short week, in hostile territory, 5,000 feet above sea level in thin air, with a “feels like” temperature of about 1 degree. And they didn’t even show up until the day before, with no time to adapt to the conditions! Everything, everything, was stacked against them.

But last night wasn’t about luck, it was about believing you can accomplish anything you put your mind to and having an overwhelming sense of confidence you can do it.  It’s not about genetics, it’s not about intelligence, it’s about grit.  It’s about having the vision and never wavering from it when other people are mocking you, discounting you and discouraging you.  Yet you find a way to win. You have an unwavering devotion to becoming something more. When you tell your mind its going to happen, have the vision and see it through, opportunity has a way of finding you.  Joe Flacco found it.  That pass he put up to Jones was like every deep ball you might have thrown in your backyard or in the middle of the street when you played football as a kid.  Put it up high, like a rainbow and hope for the pot of gold.  Last night, the Flacco Fling landed in the heart of Oz.

And what about Ray Lewis.  As promised, the man who will forever be a sports legend in this town, gives this page the perfect ending.  But here’s the reason he should grace this page… because he’s a legend, not just for what he does on the field, but what he does off the field.  It’s all about what Lewis does with his life. Want to be remembered? Do something small  to give back every day that gets you to that place.  It’s the little things that make a difference… and it’s life changing.

When asked what it feels like to extend his career with this game, here’s Ray Ray’s response:

“To do it like this. To do it for my team, to do it for my teammates, to do it for my children, who are my greatest inspiration, and then to do it for my city. There’s no other reason you do it. And if you were to go out any other way man, I challenge people to fight your darndest to go out this way. To feel what that ride feels like, to look into men’s eyes and get everybody to buy in. And when you get everybody to buy in, it’s just so special when you see it come to fruition, then it changes perspective on what we should pay attention to.  I went down to Johns Hopkins Thursday night. A friend of mine called me and asked me to come see some kids. I walked in there and I’m lookin’ at these babies, ya know, who are unfortunate because they have to be there.  And it just took everything away. Cause I made a mistake before, before the AFC championship and a very ill child I was supposed to go see before the game. I never got a chance to see him off, I never got a chance to say my last goodbyes to him. And this time when the call came, I HAD to go do it.  I put my iPad down and I let studying take care of itself. I had studied so much.  To go look at those kids and to listen to those kids and to listen to the things they were asking me… to just keep going on in life. Just the actual opportunity in life.  It’s why you do what you do. It’s why you sacrifice everything and there is just no greater reward.”

Until next time, thanks for taking the time.

Mark

Begin with the end in mind. You’ve gotta know your WHY.

A few days ago I posted my first blog ever – on the morning of my daughter Sophie’s 13th birthday and I have tremendous gratitude for the terrific feedback I received on Facebook, in e-mails, texts and phone calls. Thank you. Sincerely.

But I think it’s only fair that you learn a little more about me. I mean, why care? Just because I do? Why blog at all? Why share thoughts? Why share emotions? Why?

That’s exactly it. It’s my WHY. There has to be a reason. There has to be a reason for anything you do, if you expect it to be worthwhile. And there is. It’s easy and maybe too cliche to say that it’s because of my wife Debbie, my daughters Sophie, Emily, and even our dog Ollie. But lets face it, they are my life. I live for them, and life is ultimately about them. There is nothing I wouldn’t do or try to make them happy.  After all it is my life’s greatest love and most important responsibility.  But it has to come from inside, so it’s also about me. If you don’t have and can’t find a purpose, if you don’t want to make a difference, create meaning and leave a legacy, then what’s it all for? I mean are you simply along for the ride of life? And if so, where are you going? Questions only you can answer. But find the answer… and it all becomes clear.

I’m a husband, father, friend, a financial services agent — and I’m a writer. There I said it. And I have something to say. And so do you, and so does everyone else. So here’s the rub. I choose to take the thoughts circling around in my brain and put them on paper, or on a web page and for some reason other people react in ways I am just beginning to understand. Is it a gift? I don’t believe it’s all genetic. Here’s what I believe, I am determined, but more importantly I am-not-afraid. We all live with doubts and fears and worries. I have no fear to speak from the heart and share those feelings, share perceptions, take thoughts and words and make them into something more than I ever thought they could be.  Being able to share my emotions, being able to share part of my being…seems to strike a chord. But I believe the chord is simply a reaction from others who might just be too afraid to do the same, or just don’t care to. And that’s ok. That’s why I’m here.

I’ve taken a look back at some of the journal entries I posted in the wake of my wife’s breast cancer http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/debbiebrodinsky/journal and realized I was definitely letting it all out. It felt good to do it while a bad thing was happening, if that makes sense. Good to emote, good to rant, good to use thoughts that came from my heart, to my head and tried to make sense of everything that was going on. To say it was catharsis for me is an understatement. But being able to share and find love in return was the ultimate gift.

And from that – here I am. And here we are, if you’re along for this ride. This page, this site, is a journey to WHY. I want to leave something for the people I love the most. I want to give something back to the people I meet along the way and to the people I might never meet, short of this page. I have a voice and I have decided it can’t hurt to share. And just maybe, it can even help.

It’s incredibly exciting to think of all the possibilities, moments, observations and sharing we can do – it’s more than I can hope for or even imagine. Actually, no it’s not. My ultimate goal is to become more than I am and in doing so help others to do the same. If we share a laugh, a tear, or a common feeling along the way, isn’t that what life is all about? I’m ready to share.

In the coming days, weeks, months, and heck maybe years… this is part of the journey, part of destiny, part of my WHY. I’m going to dig deep, look and work from the inside out and I’m not going to be afraid. I hope you won’t be afraid to go with me. The possibilities are endless.

Til next time, thanks for taking the time.

Mark

A blog is born. It’s time. No time to wait. In life you should do one of two things: get going or get out.

So let’s get going.  A blog, huh?  At first I was nervous to move over to an open forum, to try and host a blog. For those of you who have been reading anything I have written in 2012, it’s over at the caringbridge.org website, where I started posting when my wife Debbie was diagnosed with breast cancer back on April 13th of 2012.  All will be fine, though it’s been quite a journey and it’s not over just yet.  But for anyone here who wants history and wants to know more of the story and where this all began, its www.caringbridge.org, search debbiebrodinsky.  Read “My Story”, the Journal entries, the Guestbook.  You’ll get the picture. It’s all there in black and white, and in color, if you look at my perspective on the whole thing… red, green, pink, (plenty of pink) and some dark blacks.  Emotions, the good, the bad and the ugly permeate the pages. That’s the genesis of me landing here and this is kind of like a spin-off.  Kinda like when Happy Days gave birth to Laverne and Shirley.  Or All in the Family launched The Jeffersons, or… well, you get the picture, but heck I’m dating myself.  If you were born after 1970, none of that made sense anyway.

So let’s get to the point.  What I would like to do here is in the title above. In fact, this may be the permanent name of my blog, but I have no idea exactly how to do that yet. I figured I would start writing, then extract all the gory details of blogging later.

But what do you blog about?  That is what troubled me for about 10 minutes earlier today.  Then it got easy.  It’s all about Moments. Every day you have them, experience them, but don’t always pay attention. So with that in mind,there’s a reason I decided to launch today.  It’s # 13. I actually mentioned this briefly in one of the posts over at caringbridge, but today the number becomes even more significant. So I am taking it to heart and going for it.

13.  The place I began my first career in Baltimore, at Channel 13.  The number of my mailbox at my new career at New York Life.  13. April 13th, the day Debbie came face to face with her greatest challenge, breast cancer,  and well, last time I checked its now the year 2013.  But there’s new significance and an even deeper meaning to today. The birth of this blog is in honor of the birth of my first, Sophie Rose, who today turns 13. A teen.

How did we get here?  Any one who has ever raised a child asks themselves that same question daily. Every story is different and every experience gives new hope and new heartache and every Moment is …. well, worth it.  It was on this day back in 2000, in the middle of the afternoon my Moment happened. It’s the one no one ever prepares you for, because they can’t. It’s impossible.  I will never forget someone telling me prior to Sophie being born, (a close friend who was a Dad), that he thought I was as ready and prepared and excited as anyone he ever met…. and he promised me I still had no idea  what was about to happen.  I thought he was crazy, now I give him credit.

At 3:41 on January 9th, 2000, it happened. That Moment. You can’t be prepared, you can’t imagine what it’s like, you can’t fathom the depths it will touch your heart. I remember months later, post birth, watching Matt Lauer talk about the birth of one of his own children. He talked about it in a way that made perfect sense and I’ve never forgotten, cause he was so dead on.  Why do you cry at the birth of your child,  when it’s such a happy occasion?  It’s simple.  Never before in your life, until that moment have you ever loved something so much, so quickly, so deeply, that there is nothing left to do but let it out… or explode. Let’s face it, you don’t love your parents when you are born, you only want to cry because you’re cold, you just pooped and pissed in your pants, or you need to suck on a boob (if you’re that lucky). Otherwise, other people don’t matter, it’s simply survival and you simply want help doing it.

You don’t fall in love with your spouse like that. Sure I know there’s love at first sight, but you don’t walk up to her and start crying!!  If you do, we’ve got other problems. Besides more people start crying AFTER they’re married.

No, it’s that baby. That life, that you and someone else, your spouse if you’re so fortunate, created together. That’s some serious stuff.  It’s love, magnified, intensified, outrageously expressed and rolled up into a couple of pounds of bawling, slimy flesh.  But it’s G-d’s ultimate miracle and it’s right in front of you. How do you NOT cry?

So today, miracle number one, Sophie, turns 13.  Before I came down to blog, I peeked in on her one more time, fast asleep. It’s such a beautiful thing. Sleep that is. 🙂  Nah, watching her sleep, watching both my girls sleep.  When they’re lying there safe in their beds with their eyes closed, its peace at its finest and purest.  The life I helped create – dreaming, growing, full of hope, promise and adventure. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  It’s Sophie who allowed me to accept and take on life’s greatest responsibility. I’ve told her before – and for that reason she will always be special in my heart – she made me the one thing I could never have been without her, a Dad. A few years later, Emily doubled the miracle, and I love them both equally, I really do.  But Sophie will always get to claim the title, it was her first breath that took mine away. Forever.

So, Happy 13th Birthday Sophie Rose Brodinsky.  Now you’re a teenager and my gift to you are my words as I give birth to this blog and what I hope will be the start of something as big as I’m dreaming it can be.  You have my heart and my gratitude for the gift you give me every second of every day.  Every time I hear you say “I love you” before you leave for school, I always pause for a moment to let it sink in.  I still remember, and will never forget the first time you told me.  We had just cleaned up your toys from your 2nd birthday party. I was sitting on the sofa, you walked over to me, threw your arms around me and said “I love you Daddy”.  To this day I can still picture it, and it still touches the deep confines of my heart, the incredibly vulnerable place that is now reserved for you. And always will.  It’s yet another Moment to live on for all time.

Yes, Moments are what it’s all about… and every day they happen, if you just take the time to notice. Folks we’re just getting started.  Til next time, thanks for taking the time.

Mark