To love, to give, to serve.

These are the main ingredients in the recipe of a significant life. For what you are given, it is your duty and responsibility to give it away. Your purpose is to do it on purpose… and to be conscious of the fact that the more you have been given, the more you must offer, no matter what the challenge or the obstacles you face in this thing called life.

To love, to give, to serve. The way in which you do this defines your journey and creates your story, page by page, day by day, moment by moment.

Everyone has a story.

I am Mark Brodinsky and this is The Sunday Series.

_________________________________________________________________

The Sunday Series (142): The Best Hand Ever

Dana Bailey was just as tough as the boys in her neighborhood, but when it came time to gain membership to one of the clubhouses she just helped build with her buddies – she was the one asked to bring the cookies. Instead of looking at is as a slight – the fact that she was the only girl – Dana embraced the request.

Why not? After all, Dana was born to serve.

Dana says the formative years were good ones, she and her brothers and sisters wanted for little, and growing up in her Forth Worth Texas neighborhood dominated by boys, only made Dana tougher, stronger and ready to take on life. As long as that life didn’t involve school work.

“I studied the basics in school, but I was never one for school,” says Dana. “During my high school years I was more ready to get out then to pay attention. School didn’t hold a lot of my interest.”  And wouldn’t you know it there was another reason why Dana wasn’t in love with academics… she had already claimed a seat in the front row in her classroom of life – Dana was in love with a guy  – named Rick.

“We started dating in 1978,” says Dana. “We met at a high school rodeo. After the rodeo they always had a barn dance, with a live band and some boot-skating… dancing. Rick told his buddy he was going to ask me to dance. His buddy bet him five-bucks I wouldn’t dance with him. Rick’s buddy still owes him the money,” she laughs.

Dana and Rick wanted to get married as soon as high school was finished, only problem for Dana, high school would never be finished because she didn’t have the credits to graduate and her dad told her no diploma… no wedding. Dana says she still laughs when she thinks about how she finally earned her way out. “I had to take a night course at a junior high school so I could graduate,” she says. Rick basically took the tests for me so I could make it. He was the one reading the papers and the books and helping me so I could pass.”

Once there was a diploma in hand, the couple wasted no time… getting married one month after graduation. Nearly 37 years later Dana says the secret to success in marriage is the power of suggestion: “When someone says I’m hot, the other one turns on the ceiling fan. When someone says I’m thirsty, the other person gets you a drink. Please and thank you go a long way. So does a kiss every day. Every day.”

Each day and each year for the Bailey’s has been a blessing, with three grown children and now four grandchildren. And it’s these blessings in life you hold onto and keep close to your heart when suddenly life does what life does… simply happens.

It’s difficult for Dana to discuss because it’s still a shock. In August of this past year Rick was diagnosed with Stage-4 lung cancer. No cure, no chance for remission… at least that’s what the doctors say. “He basically takes his chemo treatments and tries to have the best quality of life,” says Dana. “At first he was in-and-out of the hospital. Four different courses of chemo treatments.”

After some complications Dana says Rick is doing “awesome”. “He’s kicking cancer’s ass,” she says. “If anyone can do it this man has proven to be one hell of a fighter and is doing extremely well. The docs are a little taken aback by how well Rick is going through the treatments. We have been so blessed with awesome family, friends and extended families through work. The prayer warriors are out there and we get a lot of support. I do believe in miracles, Rick does too. We just got clearance from the oncologist to go on our trip to Mexico in May. We are living every moment to the fullest.”

It’s all about holding and accepting the hand life deals you. Dana is well-prepared because of her ability to be tough… just like she was in the ‘hood with the boys, but also because she lives and breathes something else – service. For more than two decades Dana has worked in customer service… at an insurance company. Want to learn how to be tough and sweet at the same time? Take a call from someone who is using their insurance, perhaps for the very first time.

“These are people you feel like you can help, or make a difference,” says Dana. I would rather deal with people over the phones, they need help or assistance. They don’t always know how to ask the questions, or really know what they need. It’s such a tremendous service to pull up their information and spot what the concern might be. Get to the core of the problem, save them time and energy. You do it five days a week, 8-to-10 hours a day, it grows on you.”

 

The growth Dana has shown being the best at what she does has led twice now, to becoming manager of customer service, this time around at USHEALTH Advisors. Dana and her team of reps are so good they were recently awarded the Gold Stevie Award for Customer Service, it’s recognition for serving at such a high level you are considered one of the best in the world.  Dana says it stems from being supportive with one another and the great culture of the company. “A simple pat on the back goes a long way,” she says. “Every morning I walk through and make it a point to high-five everyone on my team. Say good morning. People really appreciate when they are being recognized for doing a good job. This company is first-place in all those areas and it starts with the CEO Troy McQuagge… caring, loving and giving. It’s just an attitude and it’s contagious in a positive way.”

It’s that positive attitude that Dana and Rick possess to get them through the challenge of Rick’s cancer diagnosis. Dana says her family, the couple’s three children, two daughters and a son and their four grandkids… all boys… that’s their focus, they are all very, very close. And Dana says this has been a hard time. The couple has chosen to face the cancer head-on, but also not to listen to any doctor-predicted timelines, or prognosis. The goal is to realize how they have been blessed. “I’m a very lucky lady,” says Dana.

Luck certainly plays a big role with the family and with Dana… especially on poker night. “I kick butt in poker,” Dana proudly exclaims. “There are these long-time friends we have and we’ve made a point of playing poker every week over the years. Our oldest daughter and our son like to play as well. Pretty much anytime we get together there will be some type of gambling going on. When we play poker with the friends I always do fairly well for myself, there’s even a competition between Rick and I. I don’t like to lose, I’m a good sport, but I prefer to win.”

And with good reason… whoever loses makes the next round of drinks. Dana says she loves to serve…. but not during poker night.

But Dana also knows that life, while it can be fun, is not just a game. “You’ve got to live everyday like there’s no tomorrow,” says Dana. “I’ve been very blessed to have a very awesome personal life and an awesome professional life. I’m thankful every day, that’s what keeps a smile on my face. Happiness is contagious, so smile and be pleasant to one another. Loves makes the world go round.”

Just like in the poker game she loves Dana knows there’s only so much in your control. With the cards you hold in your hand you do the best you can… the cards on the table, yet to be dealt, are left to chance. You hope that by the end of the round – just like the life you live –  you’re the one left holding the best hand ever.

Until next time thanks for taking the time,

Mark Brodinsky

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No, this is not about Groundhog Day. Well not exactly, though that is such a classic flick. But in that movie Bill Murray literally gets trapped in the same day over and over. Yes, he eventually learns how to make the day work for him and then he earns the gift of being able to move on.

Instead the fascination I have here is this – imagine being given the gift of living yesterday just one more time. A true do-over.

Just the other day I was fortunate to stumble upon a little independent movie called, About Time. In the film the main character Tim, upon the milestone of his 21st birthday, learns a secret from his father. His dad reveals to him that both he and Tim, and all the men in the family who came before, possess the ability to go back in time, at any given time, if they choose to. All Tim has to do is go into a closet, squeeze his fists and travel back to whatever time he desires.

Once he learns of this power, Tim takes full advantage, fixing mistakes he makes, doing what he can to get the girl he wants and of course, regardless of his power making some huge errors along the way. But he finally figures out his greatest accomplishments and true desires can’t be gained by a do-over. Except when he harnesses the power of one special gift, when he chooses to use it from time to time, a gift that truly changes his life.

That gift? Gratitude.

Eventually Tim’s father explains to Tim that perhaps the greatest use of his ability to travel back in time is to occasionally take the time to live yesterday again – with a new, fresh outlook, or maybe I should say “in-look” – on the experiences of that day, and on his life.

This my friends has true power.

Think about the incredible gift of looking back at the same day you just lived and living it over again, but steeped in the abundance of that day, seeing all the good things that happen, realizing you are in the midst of a masterpiece and giving to others as if this was your last day. Once you do that life changes.

While on the day before Tim scowled at the lady handing him his coffee because he was late for work, on his do-over day he went in smiling, not stressed and had a pleasant conversation with her, making her day better. Instead of rushing around, he took the time to immerse himself in the pleasantries of other people and to notice the world around him. He paid special attention to those he loved.

In essence, that is gratitude. Just imagine what you could do with yesterday if you had a do-over. But take this to heart, because in reality every day you do.

That’s the magic factor, and it’s called gratitude.

Your gift is the ability to go back to yesterday in your mind and in your heart and think about the good parts of that day, amidst the challenges and sometimes heartache, the parts of the day that did not serve you well… because you did not serve your day well. We all do it the wrong way from time to time because we are human and we are flawed.

But the more you focus on the good stuff of any day, the more you review it in gratitude and with a grateful heart, the more you approach and conquer the next day with that same mindset. One of giving, one of abundance, one of love, one of gratitude.

If you think I’m kidding, if you think I’m crazy, good… the ones crazy enough to change the world are the ones who usually do. I dare you to try it for a week and see what happens. I dare you to get up in the morning and think about the three things, just three things that happened the day before for which you are grateful. See where that takes you. I dare you.

If you’ve got a better plan, then keep living each day with blinders on and rush to the end of life without ever stopping to appreciate the gift and the moments of a single day.

Instead try it my way, give your day a do-over. Re-live it in your mind and your heart and feel the power of the silver lining, the magic of a few cherished moments that happened the day before and for which you are grateful. It might just change your life.

I know it will, because I’m living it.

And you know why it’s worth it? For if you live each day as if it was your last, eventually you will be right – and there won’t be any more do-overs.

Until next time thanks for taking the time,

Mark Brodinsky

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Heard this one before? Change is inevitable, growth is optional.  I’m sure you have.

Now how about pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. That was a new one for me when I first heard it, (or read it), a few weeks ago.

Makes you wonder why we don’t live bigger lives. Just maybe it’s because we are trying to avoid the pain. The pain of loss, pain of regret, pain of a bitter end, pain of failure, pain of mistakes, pain of illness, pain of loneliness. If you try to avoid the pain… and so many of us do, you don’t get the gift, which is the experience of full joy.

Pain is inevitable. Yet we try to go above it, below it, around it, behind it… anything but through it. Facing the pain is hard, nobody likes to do hard. Hard sucks. But if it was easy everybody would do it. If you knew the payoff was pure joy, (and it is), then would you go after the pain… maybe even embrace it? If you knew at the end was a rainbow and a pot of golden happiness, would you do it?

I bet you would.

But now the next question?  Are you going through the pain, or are you growing through it? Are you learning lessons from the pain or are you wallowing in pain’s greatest joy… suffering. Pain loves it if you suffer, especially for long periods of time. If pain can keep you down forever it wins. But not you, you’re strong enough to face it and fight it. Long-time suffering is a recipe for an early grave. Life will challenge you through imagined fear and real pain to tip-toe to that resting place. It’s your responsibility, it’s your destiny to grow through it and overcome. Don’t forget on the other side is joy.

There is one other type of pain to consider… the one that might be the hardest of all to battle, because it sits just below the surface of your life’s purpose and is easy to step over, to ignore, to look at – but then make a choice to walk the other way. Because with this pain you have options and they are tantalizing. They are dancing around you, taunting you and whispering your name. This pain has enemies that are so attractive –  the quick-fix, the shortcut, the magic formula, the indecision, drugs, alcohol, sex and material possessions you think you have to have… or an impulse buy, even though you can’t afford it, and come down off the high of the purchase within days of buying it.

What’s this pain? It’s the pain of discipline.  The one pain which if you face it and embrace it, will lead you to the life you need, not the one you want. Joy doesn’t come from getting what you want, it only comes from attracting what you need. The discipline to hold back, to do what is right, to do the little things which seem too small to matter – healthy eating, exercise, gratitude, generosity, compassion, learning, reading – things which if you do them day-after-day-after-day, until they become part of the fabric of your life will lead you massive change. A change which attracts more of the good life into your world, more joy, more abundance, more love. All because you welcomed in the pain and worked to make a change.

The change of pain.

Until next time thanks for taking the time,

Mark Brodinsky

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Want more joy? Then know in your heart-of-hearts that there is absolutely nothing we all can’t overcome… especially if we work, pray and love together. It’s in our DNA to do right and to help, to show compassion.

One of the greatest ways to do this is to know what’s in someone else’s heart, learn of their journey, their struggles, and know that in the fabric of their lives you will find a common thread, for through their journey you will undoubtedly increase the depth of your own. We can all learn more about life through someone else’s story.

Everyone has a story.

I am Mark Brodinsky and this is The Sunday Series.

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The Sunday Series (140): Love Runs Through It

What a nice gesture on the morning of Matt’s wedding day. A single red rose with an anonymous note. The message was pure and simple, but it was one which would help two people survive the test of time… especially when thirty years later the river came rushing in.

When the water started rising it seemed as if the life they built together was being washed away. In all these years Missy and Matt Dailey had survived hurricanes and other natural disasters. They witnessed other people’s homes being flooded, or completely destroyed. They’d seen others who watched the waters rise and seen their lives submerged… but it had never happened to them.  Nor did they really believe it would.

Until this day.

On August 14th of this year the water started spilling into their Louisiana home and it seemed like it would never stop. When it finally did the flow and direction of their own lives was about to change. “The blessing is we only got eight inches,” says Matt. “But you can’t understand how eight inches of water will put a stress and hurt on your whole life. Our whole life got turned upside down, all because of water.”

Yet perhaps the biggest blessing for the Dailey’s was while their home was in peril, the foundation of their lives – standing on solid ground which they fought to fortify for more than thirty years – was built to withstand mother nature’s fury and this test from God.

Though it is a life together which almost never happened.

One day before her 16th birthday Missy got a call from Matt. He told her he was getting married… the next day. “I remember I was sitting on my mother’s kitchen counter when I got the call,” says Missy, “and I couldn’t breathe for a minute. I met Matt when I was 14 and he was 18… he was the first person my mom let me date. He had managed to get to me through my dad, I wouldn’t date him without my dad’s OK.”

But after a time together the two became just friends… and Matt moved on. Now he was tying the knot. Except his knot was twisted. Missy clearly remembers: “When Matt called me to tell me he was getting married he also told me, ‘I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, I don’t know if I love her.’ I told him then don’t marry her. He said, ‘I already asked her and committed to her.’ So I said do it. What I wanted to tell him again was to call the whole thing off, but I didn’t. What I did do though was I called the flower shop and had a single red rose delivered to him the next day.

Just a few years later Matt’s marriage ended in divorce… and Missy and Matt reunited, several years later they were wed. “I don’t know how to love anybody but him”, says Missy. This April the couple will have been married for 32 years. And Missy says it’s strong, but it takes work and she likes to share her experience and advice for others about the true bonds of matrimony.

Missy says: “I always tell people don’t judge anyone else’s marriage. We all put these happy faces on life and marriage and when they’re asked how are things are I hear couples say, ‘Oh we’re great and we’re fine.’ “Every marriage is the same, I don’t care how long you’ve been married, there are times that are really great and really horrible. But I believe it is easier to fix things then go find someone else and face the same struggles again. If I meet someone who has been married longer than five years and they say they never argue with their spouse, I know they are lying.  And if you’ve been married more than 25 years and didn’t think of walking out that door at some point, you are lying. You make a choice of growing together or moving apart.”

“The kids have heard us fuss and fight and yell at each other. But then the next day everything is cool and fine. It’s part of life, you’re not going to agree with someone else all the time.”

What has worked pretty well for Missy and Matt and their three children is the open road. Missy says for nearly half of their marriage Matt was on the road so much, first in construction, then in sales. “In 15 years we had never spend more than 2-or-3 days together each week,” says Missy. “Sometimes it was hard, (being alone without Matt), but it was harder for Matt then for me. The kids are grown but they and I are very close, they call me twice-a-day. They each have their call slots, morning and night. We have this really strong bond, and when they were growing up Matt missed part of that emotional bond. But it was important to him I not work a full-time job so I could be there for the kids.”

“You have to make the sacrifice for your family’s success,” says Matt. “And I knew with my level of education I would have to work harder. At the end the sacrifices were worth it, but I did miss out on some things over the years.  But I tried to make it to as many of the kids events as I could, sometimes I would drive 100-miles just to be with them and to see their games or recitals, then I would turn around the same day and drive back 100-miles to one of my offices.”

“We are both independent and determined people, so this situation worked for us,” says Missy. “It got hectic and I had to be very regimented with the kids schedule. I never let them take part in more than one after-school activity at a time because then I would have to shuttle them to someone else for that person to act as their parent. And I taught my kids to finish what they started. I didn’t let them quit.”

The will to fight and to hold on worked in more ways than one. Missy says from 2007-to-2009 she and Matt spent a lot of time with each other when financial trouble hit their insurance business. We were home together and not used to it and we were on top of each other, getting in each other’s way,” says Missy. “It was the hardest time for our marriage.”

That was until the water started to rise, a once-in-a-millennium storm, the Louisiana flood that delivered a sucker punch to the heart of Baton Rouge. For the first time ever the water came right through the Dailey’s home. Having lived in a few different states during their time together, Matt and Missy had survived hurricanes and tornadoes… but this time a river ran through it.

So many affected. Missy says the entire cul-de-sac where she and Matt live was flooded, and everyone felt and are still feeling the pain. Houses completely destroyed, needing to be gutted and rebuilt. “I can see where people get to a place where they lose motivation and drive,” says Missy. “We had no walls, no floors, no running water. It wears on you, it’s like being in an abusive relationship, living this way day after day, you just get numb to it all. I’ve developed a better empathy for people in these types of situations where you get to a point you seem to not care anymore, not getting dressed, not doing makeup or hair. It can wear on you.”

It’s been the help and love from family and friends who have seen them through. Matt is a Regional Manager for USHEALTH Advisors, Missy works as a Division Leader. Both of them have story-after-story of those they work with, the extended family from the company, offering to assist.

“It’s hard,” says Missy. “When you are the ones used to giving and now you are on the receiving end. There are no words to describe the feeling, cause we’ve never been on the other side of this.”

Our own CEO, Troy McQuagge offered to let us come stay in his own house in Texas,” says Matt. “Connie Davis offered to load up all her tools and help us do the repairs. Randy Hildebrand, offered to bring furniture for us and other people who lost everything who live near us. Dan Ashfield offered to drive a fifth wheeler – a 40-foot camper – from Phoenix, Arizona all the way to my house and leave it here so we could live in it.”

“It’s been amazing,” says Missy. “Even one of our agents who lives in the area waded through waist-deep water with a golf club in his hand. I asked him why he had a golf club… he said he figured we might want to beat the hell out of some sheet rock in the house. He was right. You truly do find out who your friends are and what great people you work with. When life happens, we take care of each other.”

And taking care of others is really Missy’s mission and belief: “Life is about everybody else in your world. That’s who I am. I think if people focused on everybody, instead of self, then self takes care of its own. For me with everything we’ve been through in our marriage and the struggle of raising a family it could have been all about me. But if I take care of everybody else my needs get taken care of in the process.”

Matt echoes similar sentiments: “If you narrow it down it’s the people who love you and the people you love. They will always be there for you, regardless of whether you need them or not, or even think you do. Just doing the little things for others is what makes the real difference. It’s easy to throw away a problem, it’s hard to fight through it and do the little things that matter, but if you do you can accomplish almost anything. There is always someone to reach out and help if you are willing to allow them in your life. Never give up, never give in, never quit.”

Never quit – just ask Missy – imagine if she never sent that little gift to this special guy on his big day 35 years ago.

When the red rose was delivered to Matt on the morning of his wedding day – his marriage to someone else –  there was a note attached with a simple message, an omen of a lifetime to come. The message was pure and simple: “I will always love you.”

The note was anonymous. But Matt knew who it was from and now love runs through it all.

Until next time thanks for taking the time,

Mark Brodinsky

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Author: The #1 Amazon Best Seller: It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story
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Huffington Post: (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-brodinsky/)

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For more info contact Mark: markbrodinsky@gmail.com