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#9, “F” Cancer: It’s Just About… Life.

May 2, 2013 By markbrodinsky 2 Comments

photo[1]Life as we know it was about to change for Debbie, for me, for our family. Change forever. Breast cancer was about to force my wife to make a huge sacrifice. There was no turning back.

From www.caringbride.org. (debbiebrodinsky) The journal entry from May 9th:

Moment #9, F*ck Cancer
Written May 9, 2012 10:21pm

That’s right. I saw that on a T-shirt on a website called “Zazzle”, and it will be the first thing I order as soon as we get the “all clear” sign from the doctor tomorrow.

The facts for tomorrow: We arrive at 9am at the Mary Catherine Bunting Building at Mercy Hospital and then report to Nuclear Medicine. There they will inject a dye that will eventually help determine which lymph node to remove and test to see if any cancer has spread. I’m here to tell you it has not. It will be the first bright spot on our journey to freedom from what should never have been.

Surgery is set to begin a few hours later. Dr Friedman will perform the double mastectomy and then come out to tell us how it all went. A short time later Dr Chang will perform the first phase of the reconstruction and then update us on the progress. And then, as long as everything goes right, which it will, Debbie will be in recovery and on the road to a real recovery.

There you go, its all covered in four sentences, one paragraph. Seems simple. So why when you read between the lines does it hurt so much. Is it because I know my wife has already been through enough? Is it because you never understand, as many times as its explained to you, or how many articles and books you read, why bad things happen to good people. Its more painful to watch those you love the most suffer, than to suffer yourself.

It’s not fair. I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams, that seeing my wife take a shower tonight, would be one of the saddest moments of my life. The same thing she does every day (and y’all should be so lucky to see it), was the last time I knew I would witness her like that ever again….and it broke my heart. Not because she will look any different in the end, not because she won’t still be so incredibly beautiful, but because SHE has to go through the pain and suffering to be free of all of this.

My Debbie is a giver. But what she has gotten back the past few years, between losing her dad suddenly to cancer and now this, it’s not what is supposed to happen when you are always giving of yourself.

But all this is out of our control, any of us. The gift Debbie gets back tomorrow is the love of so many family and friends who will pack that waiting room. Its because she is constantly doing for others, that they drop everything to be there for her. She deserves it. People love her. And those things ARE in our control. You can’t think back on what has happened and why, you can’t predict the future, but you can control how you live your life. My wife lives it to the fullest, because she cares. And that care has been returned in spades.

Thanks to so many who have already – and constantly – sent good wishes, prayers and so so much more. It has been overwhelming to witness, yet, at least from my perspective, because of the person she is, seems so fitting at the same time. Because she does the same for others, when they are also facing misfortune and fear. I have never seen her back away from a challenge or turn her back on a friend.

I have also learned, much more deeply than I ever realized, how women are truly affected by breast cancer. The mere mention of the words cements the bond that already exists between female friends and family and creates an instant connection to the stranger who might find out. They can immediately empathize and everyone has a story. We are not the first to go through this, won’t be the last. But the stories that are being written, page by page everyday, are the ones of survival. And that is so uplifting. Together everyone is making a difference.

Shock, surgery, survivor. The journey.

Last week as we were waiting for the elevator after our doctor appointments, Debbie told me she was “sorry” for putting me through this. That’s a good one. The one that makes you pause, take a breath, collect yourself and then come up with the answer that falls way short – “you must be kidding me right, that’s the silliest thing I ever heard”, I said, with a lump in my throat. Whether she ever reads this or not, let me just say, that response didn’t do her justice.

My real answer, if I could have come up with the right words, if I could get through it without breaking down, is to tell her this: “Deb, no matter what, I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. This is where I was always meant to be from the first day I met you. I need you way more than you could ever need me. You give my life its meaning, and you have enriched it more than I could have ever hoped for. You gave me my greatest gifts, our two beautiful daughters. You are my motivation, my inspiration, my hope, my world and my very best friend. You are a fighter. A hero. And I love you with all my heart.

And, I will see you on the other side of the surgery. My survivor.

I love you, Mark

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Comments

  1. Jerri Thorne says

    May 2, 2013 at 9:30 am

    Good morning Mark…

    As I sit here with tears rolling down my face, I just wanted to tell you what an inspiration you and Debbie are. I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma 2 years ago. I have gone through treatments every six months for the 2 years. So far so good but I can’t shake the “fear”. Reading your posts helps me understand that things do get better and the “fear” is normal.

    I used to watch you when you were on WJZ and liked your personality then too.

    My husband is totally like you and tried to understand my feelings and fear with my diagnosis.

    I just wanted to express my thoughts on your helpful posts!

    Jerri Thorne

    Reply
    • Mark Brodinsky says

      May 2, 2013 at 9:33 am

      Thank you Jerri. Sorry to hear of your own struggle/battle against the beast. We wish you all the best and glad things seen to be getting better.
      Stay in touch.

      Mark

      Reply

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Mark Brodinsky
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Blog Reviews

Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

Aileen Braverman

I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

Beverlee Rendelman

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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