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The Sunday Series (40), with Mark Brodinsky

September 7, 2014 By markbrodinsky 3 Comments

stutter picture

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

  • Lyrics to Brave, by Sarah Bereilles

The Sunday Series (40): Speechless

Tomorrow is my 49th birthday. So in honor of the beginning of my 50th year, (after all our birthdays essentially mark the anniversary of the year we just lived, year 50 begins tomorrow), I wanted to share something which I hope will help others.  It’s the gift I want to give in honor of my own birthday.

The 4th grade – I still remember it like it was yesterday and I can still see the  vision playing out in my mind. Mrs. Cherry, my 4th grade teacher posed a question to the class – and as luck would have it she called on me. I knew the answer, it was the Declaration of Independence. But as I gripped my desk with both hands, curled my toes inside my shoes and tilted back my chair in a vain effort to force the words out, I couldn’t say them. They were stuck somewhere. Somewhere in between my brain and my heart-breaking effort to turn them into speech. The letter “D” was what really had me stuck, because I knew if I uttered that one letter out loud, I would repeat it over-and-over-and-over-and-over before I could complete the answer.  I just knew it would come out D-D-D-D-D-Declaration. I didn’t know why, but I would stutter and at 10-years-old, that was too much for me to bear. So I pretended I didn’t know the answer.

For me that memory was the beginning of the end of a lot of answers I knew but never said, a lot of information I wanted to share but was embarrassed and ashamed to do so, a lot of activities I didn’t participate in, a lot of people I never interacted with, girls I never asked out and some other choices I made in my life, some of which I might have done differently… and all of because of one reason.

I stutter.

back-of-book-picture

Before I go any further I want anyone to know, whether young or old, from the bottom of my heart I want you to know, there is nothing wrong with you.  It’s  OK, it really is and if it isn’t now then I want you to do everything in your power to make it OK for you. You are no different. No two people are alike and everyone has things about them which challenge them, which they fight to overcome.  Stuttering is simply something you do. Don’t let it define who you are.

It wasn’t until Rich Polt posted ten questions recently in an article in which he profiled me on his TalkingGood website, (http://www.talkinggood.com/profiles/MarkBrodinsky), that I even went public with any of this information. I had to because I wanted to be honest and to show others you can overcome. The question was: Tell us something you rarely share in public?  So I did. After the story hit Huffington Post I was immediately contacted by Noah Cornman from (http://www.say.org/): the Stuttering Association for the Young. We spoke for awhile and he asked me to write a blog for them. I decided to take it one step further and share that blog with everyone.

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins

For a long, long time I lived underneath the shadow of a speech impediment. As many times as I wanted to, I failed to share with my parents that I had trouble with my speech and I became so adept at avoidance techniques, including NOT saying the things I really wanted to say, that I don’t think anyone really knew. But I did and at times it was heartbreaking.

My word power increased because I tried to think of any synonym I could to use in place of the words I couldn’t seem to utter without a stutter. Words that started with a “d” or an “s” or a “th” or an “m” or an “r”, and probably more than I can remember which gave me trouble. I was ashamed, I was scared, and I felt helpless. I’ve since learned there is nothing to be ashamed of.

stuttering is cool

The 12th grade.  My English teacher, whose name escapes me right now, would do a vocabulary quiz each week where he would say a definition and you would have to give him the word. He would call out names in the class at random to give him the word for the definition and at least two times he called on me… and I actually pretended I didn’t know. But I did. The problem was I was a very good student, on my way to straight “A”‘s in multiple semesters my senior year, and this was killing me. I actually scheduled time with him after class, told him about my stuttering, one of the few people I had told up to that point, and asked him NOT to call on me, because of my situation. I told him what letters I had trouble with, we made some type of agreement and I thought it would all be OK. The next week, the first definition he gave he forgot and called on me first — it was one of those words with which I had trouble, but I paused, for what seemed like an eternity and somehow I got through it.

Then there was the high school senior play — I always wanted to act — loved to be “up front and center”. The senior class was going to perform Grease, one of my favorite shows. I wanted to give it a shot, wanted my shot, and so I went to the audition. The room was full and I watched as each person who auditioned had to sing a little bit – then read from the script – sight unseen. “I’m going to do this, I can do this,” I told myself.  But as it got closer to my turn, I started to panic. “What if I can’t read what’s in front of me,” I thought. I couldn’t fake it and change the words because others had the same script in their hands and they would all know I couldn’t say the words. With only two people to go before my turn, I quietly slipped out. I thought maybe I would just help with the sets or the lights, I never did any of those things. I never participated in the show at all.

I still remember and it still hurts.

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue

In college I majored in Mass Communication, with a concentration in Journalism. I was a talented writer, and why wouldn’t I be, I possessed a tremendous vocabulary since I had a synonym for nearly every word in the English language. I needed to have the expansive vocabulary just so I could quickly think of a word to replace the one on which I feared I might stutter. There’s still a part of me which thinks I excelled at writing what it was I afraid to say out loud.

But I also got lucky – because in my senior year at Towson State University – I got an internship at a local TV station, WJZ. That one decision changed my life. From the moment I walked into the newsroom I knew it was where I wanted to be, I had visions of grandeur and thought someday I’m going to be on TV, stutter be damned. I became a writer first, in fact they hired me part-time while I was still an intern and in school — because I could write, boy could I write.  Then I became the Producer of the WJZ morning show, but I still had this dream of being in front of the camera, not just behind it and most people there knew it.

Eventually when the news show expanded from an hour to 90 minutes, I got a shot at a segment where from the producer’s seat in the control room. I would do an on-camera “tease” for what was coming up later in the show and banter back and forth with the anchors…on the fly, mostly unscripted. I wanted it so bad, I found a way around my stutter, though it wasn’t easy. I sometimes spoke too fast, or paused a long time before it was safe to say what I wanted. But when you want it bad enough, when your WHY is that strong, you find a way.

But I wonder what would happen if you
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out

That on-air segment gave me confidence to move forward.  It wasn’t long after that I started dating this girl.  This girl’s name was Debbie. A name that began with a “D”, it was like a nightmare come true. Here I was with this girl I really wanted to be with and there were times I felt I couldn’t say her name, especially when others asked me about her and I had to use her name in a sentence. But I was falling in love – and when your WHY is big enough, you find a way. I wasn’t going to walk away from this relationship just because I got scared to say her name! I had made too many other detours in my life when it came to speech that I wasn’t happy about. I finally broke down, truly broke down and told Debbie my whole story. Then I went for help. Speech therapy, which didn’t last long, because my therapist rarely heard me stutter. I was good at this “game” I invented for myself to avoid stuttering, but I did learn some exercises and techniques to confront it. While the sessions did not continue for long I did gain confidence and still use many of those techniques today.

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

When I decided to leave the TV business, I became self-employed, offering health insurance and supplemental policies to the self-employed. Guess what the number one word is you must repeat over and over when you talk about health insurance? Deductible. The dreaded “d” word. Without being able to say that word, I figured no one would ever buy from me. It was critical. It was mandatory. I practiced it. I took my time I focused on elongating the vowels and before you knew it I had sold more than $6 million in policies in a 10-year-span. My family was depending on me to be successful, they needed me and failure was not an option. My WHY, my reason for doing it was bigger than my “challenge”.

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

There are plenty more examples of how I let stuttering affect my life in ways it never should, because I am bigger than that challenge and it took me a while to understand how to get there and to stand tall. I want to tell anyone, children or adults, don’t let this define who you are, or who you are trying to become. I have much to be proud of. I am an Emmy-Award winner for my ability to communicate my ideas, vision, and instructions as producer of a TV news broadcast.  I am an Author. I wrote a #1 Amazon Best-Seller and staged a month-long book tour talking to people all the time. I started this blog and I conduct live phone interviews for these stories am now booking speaking engagements to share my story and to help others to lead bigger lives, to find their WHY and to change the world. I am a successful financial services professional – I talk all day long to prospects, clients and co-workers. Ask anyone of them and they would be shocked to know that I stutter. But I do.

And I am not ashamed.

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

I am telling you the truth. I am telling you because I care. And to the children of SAY, or to any child that stutters – keep your head up, keep learning, keep fighting, keep trying and be proud.  I have been where you are and I love you. Don’t avoid. Confront. Face it head on and overcome. You can. Say what’s in your heart, say what’s on your mind. Every voice matters. Find yours and if you need me, reach out. I’m here. I want to see you be BRAVE.

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

stuttering pic of broken words

Until next time, thanks for taking the time.

Mark Brodinsky

markbrodinsky@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Bonnie Blas says

    September 7, 2014 at 9:52 am

    Great Story Mark. You are an amazing speaker. One would never know. You have conquered so much in your life. Truly amazing. You should be very proud.

    Reply
  2. Barry says

    September 7, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Wow!! That took courage! Bravo for sharing with the ultimate goal of truly helping others

    Reply

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  1. The Sunday Series (54), with Mark Brodinsky says:
    January 18, 2015 at 8:50 am

    […] But I fought through my fear and demons to live a life of my choosing. You can ready my story here: http://markbrodinsky.com/the-sunday-series-40-with-mark-brodinsky/. – Mark […]

    Reply

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Mark Brodinsky
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Blog Reviews

Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

Aileen Braverman

I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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