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The Sunday Series (38), with Mark Brodinsky

August 24, 2014 By markbrodinsky 3 Comments

vickie and sisters

“… how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found. Was blind, but now I see….” – Amazing Grace


The Sunday Series (38): Amazing Grace

“A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.” –  Oz to the Tin Man – The Wizard of Oz

So simple, so profound, so true. I know for me and I bet for most of you, that one line takes you back to a place from long ago, since many of us came to know that classic film in the early stages of our childhood. A time when innocence and hope are in abundance – a book of life being written, page-by-page, day-by-day, with seemingly no end in sight.

We are all children forever, in the minds, in the eyes and in the hearts of our parents. And the place that heart should never have to go is the place where life is completely turned upside down, a place so dark, an abyss so deep that if there was ever a moment time should stand still, if simply to pay respect to life’s greatest tragedy, then this is the moment… the loss of a child.

On August 15th, 31-year-old Victoria “Vickie” Gelfman passed away from acute myeloid leukemia, exactly 18 months to the day of her diagnosis. On August 19th, she was laid to rest and the words which Oz spoke to the Tin Man about heart and love were on full display, as hundreds filled the giant room, one which was void of enough chairs to hold the many who came to pay their respects… proof of how much this single heart was loved by others.

I never met Vickie, but there I was sitting directly across from her father, observing a grief which is unimaginable. I am the father of two daughters and I cannot fathom the depths of what Dick Gelfman, nor his wife Lenore, are experiencing. And I’m not writing this blog to try and understand,for there is no explanation and I honestly, in the deepest recesses of my heart, the place reserved for life’s unconditional love for my own two girls… can’t go there.

vickie and parents

I worked with Dick Gelfman when I was employed at WJZ-TV in Baltimore. I got to know Dick – a warm, smart, funny man – but I never experienced the pleasure of meeting his three girls, Vickie, Joanna and Hillary. It’s my loss – because every life we meet makes an impact on our own – and listening to the story of Vickie’s life – so eloquently told by her sisters Hillary and Joanna – I learned a lot about a life which many of us would serve to emulate.

vickie and mom vickie and dad

Vickie was a prosecutor in the Howard County State’s Attorney’s office, a rising star in her field and was known for her ability to develop close relationships with judges, defense attorneys and other prosecutors. She also worked for the House Of Ruth, where she represented victims of domestic abuse. And Vickie was one of the founders of the Ride Across Maryland, an annual motorcycle event that has raised more than $2.5 million for the fight against breast cancer.

A good deal of Vickie’s biography is well-told in the pages of the Baltimore Sun: http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/obituaries/bs-md-ob-victoria-gelfman-20140818,0,4653164.story  and I encourage you to read it, but it’s not the focus of this Sunday Series. I felt compelled to simply share a few observations – because when you witness true love and devotion and understand what legacy is really all about – it is heartwarming.  And this is the way, from what I heard and read about Vickie Gelfman, this is the way in which she will be remembered… as an inspiration.

The courage, resolve and in short the ability of Hillary and Joanna to get up and speak, just days after losing their beloved sister and best friend, was in itself inspiring. They shared stories about Vickie’s tremendous sense of humor, her determination to become the best in her field, her kind spirit – always the first to help someone else in need – her love of running, her dedication in helping to raise money for causes like breast cancer and serving to fight for victims of domestic abuse, her devotion to her family and her ability to form bonds with others which managed to last a lifetime. So many are part of what is referred to as Team Vickie, as they helped support Vickie in her fight against leukemia and to encourage others in an effort to add donors to the national bone marrow registry, so often the only way to give other leukemia patients a chance at life. Vickie also started her own blog, The Most Challenging Marathon Yet, chronicling her battle against the disease – most recently updated by her sister Hillary: http://vickieuva.wordpress.com/

At Vickie’s service there was a pamphlet which included some quotes from family and friends who were fortunate enough to be part of her world:

“Through the efforts of your sisters and your family, the legacy that you all have left through this process certainly makes the world a better place.”

“Thank you for teaching us so much about strength and life and grace and dignity.”

“You are truly an inspiration. Even during the toughest of times, you manage to be brave, thoughtful and caring.”

“You have certainly have had an incredible journey, one that no one else I know could have traveled with such class, bravery and determination. It’s a journey that has inspired many others by the example you have set and it always will.”

And then there was this line from the Broadway show, Wicked:

“It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime. So, let me say before we part: So much of me is made of what I learned from you. You’ll be with me like a hand-print on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end, I know you’ll have rewritten mine by being my friend.”

vickie and wrists

As it turns out one of Vickie’s best friends in life is Carly Hughes, one of the lead singers in the Broadway show, Beautiful: The Carole King Story. Just days before Vickie took her final breath, the cast made a YouTube video, with Carly holding up a sign, “We Love You Vickie”. In a moment you will find a link to that incredible song, but first, on this Sunday, I also encourage you to take a moment to think about those you love, especially your children. Maybe it’s worth an extra hug, an extra kiss, an extra “I love you” today, for few of us know when the ticks of the clock will stop for us or for them. But if we do it right, and live our life to give to others like Vickie did, the legacy of love will never end.

vickie

It was Vickie’s sister Hillary who offered the line from the Wizard of Oz which I posted at the top of this blog. I thank Hillary for taking me back to the moment in my own childhood to remember, but more importantly for simply having the insight to share it – for it is legacy, because the heart is judged by how much you are loved by others. However you don’t get there unless you love first, then you are touched by life’s greatest gift, the opportunity to receive so much more love in return. Life’s about love.

In just over three decades on this earth, Vickie Gelfman gave that love, and it is now reflected in how she is remembered… an extraordinary life, one lived simply, in Amazing Grace: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbiBmgiMSi0

Until next time thanks for taking the time,

Mark Brodinsky

In Vickie’s memory, consider a donation to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society or Be The Match

https://donate.lls.org/lls/donate , http://bethematch.org/

Mark Brodinsky, Author, Huffington Post Blogger, USHEALTH Advisors

The #1 Amazon Best-Seller: It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story

markbrodinsky@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Rob Commodari says

    August 24, 2014 at 11:26 am

    Extremely touching!

    Reply
    • markbrodinsky says

      August 24, 2014 at 11:55 am

      Thanks Rob.

      Reply

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  1. The Sunday Series (53), with Mark Brodinsky says:
    January 11, 2015 at 8:16 am

    […] 26th about Victoria Gelfman, a post I came to by way of Facebook through the friend of a friend, (http://markbrodinsky.com/the-sunday-series-38-with-mark-brodinsky/). I didn’t know Victoria or her parents, but I somehow immediately felt connected to them via […]

    Reply

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Mark Brodinsky
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Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

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You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

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I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

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Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

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Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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