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The Sunday Series (22), with Mark Brodinsky

March 30, 2014 By markbrodinsky 12 Comments

I had no idea all this was going to happen. You always have to have a goal, but don’t overthink it. Take opportunities, don’t let them go. If it’s there, it’s because it was meant to be. If it doesn’t work, than at least you tried. If I didn’t take a chance I would still be in Brazil, and I am so happy now.” – Nanda Oliveira

Nanda Oliverira

Everyone has a story. On Sunday, I tell yours. Courage, hope, inspiration. One woman needed to harness all of it, just to make it in America.

The Sunday Series (22): The Language of Love

October 17th, 2005 Nanda Oliveira left Brazil and found her new world. Arriving in New York City at the age of 24,and as part of an au pair program, Nanda was thrust into a melting pot with other women from all over the world, all speaking different languages but all with one goal in mind, to make it in America. Everyone’s story and reason for coming to the U.S. is different. For Nanda, the reason was family. She wanted to make her parents proud, and to give them a reason to believe, a reason for their hearts to smile again…because not so long ago, those same hearts were broken.

Renata
Renata Oliveira

At the tender age of 15, Nanda’s sister, Renata was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Over the next ten years Renata fought a courageous battle, but by the time she passed away at the age of 25, she was paralyzed and blind. But Renata left a legacy. Just four years earlier, despite being told she would die during delivery and her child would be born with serious health problems, Renata gave birth to a baby boy named Lucas. Nanda says the entire pregnancy and birth of her nephew was a miracle. It would be the first of many to come. For Nanda and her parents losing Renata was devastating, Nanda says her sister was her “best friend.” So a little more than a year later, still stinging from the loss of her best friend, but a desire for more, for a better life, Nanda announced to her family and her fiance’ she would enter the au pair program and head to America.

nanda and family

Saying it is one thing, living it is another, “making it” can seem impossible.

Upon her arrival in New York, language became and would remain the number one barrier in Nanda’s new world. She was paired with a French girl as part of the large group of girls who would be spending a week together in the Big Apple taking classes and learning the American system. Well, sort of learning. Nanda said the instructors were talking and teaching but she could barely understand. She was not alone. Nanda knew a few words of English, but that was it. She and her roommate also had no way to communicate, Nanda did not speak French, her roommate did not know Portuguese. The silence was deafening. The experience was frustrating. This failure to communicate was a sign of things to come.

The week in New York ended with Nanda heading to a family in Finksburg, Maryland to work as an au pair for the family’s only son. With only one child to care for Nanda thought it would be an easy way to begin. But the experience did not go well. Nanda said when the boy would misbehave he would then lie to his parents and blame his actions on Nanda… who with no grasp of the English language, had no way to defend herself. Nanda was afraid to go out in public, for fear she might be asked questions she couldn’t understand. She lost a lot of weight because she barely ate. When home alone she couldn’t read the labels, she didn’t know how to operate the kitchen appliances and she was afraid she might eat something poisonous, or that would make her sick. Everything was so new and different than her life in Brazil, she felt scared, alone and spent too much time in her room crying because of her frustration and inability to communicate.

It was time for a change. A new family. Nanda got in touch with the American contact for the au pair agency to let her know the family was not a good match. Nanda was presented with two choices: a move to a family living in the bitter cold and windy city of Chicago, or to Hampstead, Maryland, to a family with four children. Or – one more choice – go back to Brazil, because her visa stated if she didn’t work, she couldn’t stay. The choices were daunting, Nanda hated the cold, yet she was barely surviving her experience dealing with just one child. How would she handle four of them? But in life sometimes you need to take the risk and a leap of faith. Nanda took a deep breath and took on the responsibility of helping raise four children in Hampstead.

hampstead

This time the risk was worth it. The four children, ages 5, 7, 9 & 11 were a perfect fit, especially the youngest. Nanda had been learning a bit of English simply from what she saw on TV, heard on the radio, and from her own personal dictionary, but helping the youngest child with her homework was a huge bonus. At five years of age she was just learning to read and write. Nanda got the chance to learn the basics right along with her. “I am a very curious person, I ask a lot of questions”, says Nanda. “I like when people correct me because I want to learn.” Nanda was learning and growing, her new world was starting to turn just a bit faster. She even took up martial arts, eventually earning her black belt. But time was running out.

BLACK BELT

nanda and flag of brazil

“My goal was to go back to Brazil in one year”, says Nanda. “My goal was never to stay here. I was going to learn English and go back. I was still engaged when I left Brazil and my plan was to return.”

But plans change. After several months here, the engagement was off, the challenge of a long-distance love couldn’t survive the many, many miles in between. And Nanda had been offered a rare opportunity, one she couldn’t turn down because it was the chance of a lifetime. Nanda never wanted to just be an au pair. “I wanted to learn and be something more”, she says. The family, eager to keep Nanda as part of their world encouraged her to stay and offered to pay her way through college. The chance would change Nanda’s life. The family helped her switch from a work visa to a student visa and Nanda enrolled in the Community College of Baltimore County, taking the most basic of remedial classes and looked to earn a degree in business management. Things were going well, but soon her family told her they could no longer pay for her to go to school. Nanda could not afford college on her au pair salary and although the family offered her the chance to live with them as long as she liked, Nanda, now age 27, needed to find a way to stay in school… or the requirements of her student visa would force her back to Brazil.

Fortunately for Nanda she had met a new man, Matthew Grelli. The two had been dating for only six months, but when Nanda told Matt what was happening he asked her to come live with him, giving her his extra car and told her until she could find a new job, and he would pay for school. The problem was having grown up in Brazil, Nanda was “old school”. She worried what her family would think, moving in with a man she hadn’t known for that long. But her family, recognizing Nanda’s situation and the opportunity she was offered, gave her their blessing. Nanda says moving in with Matt was the “best decision ever.” He did everything he said he would. I took the chance and I won.”

Nanda and Matt 3

Over the next year Nanda went to school and managed to secure a job as a nanny to earn extra money, but she wanted to help out not just with school, but also help her family back in Brazil, so she went looking for more and found it. With job experiences now under her belt she put her resume up online and got an e-mail from Aimee Fulchino. The two met and the opportunity to work as a nanny with the Fulchino family not only improved her bank account, but changed her life. For Nanda, the Fulchino’s were the moon and the stars, introducing her to a life and lifestyle she had never seen before. She could now afford to help her family in Brazil, and she was meeting smart business people, true professionals. Nanda says the Fulchino family also taught her maybe the most important lesson of all. She says they “have a lot and they give a lot, they are so generous.” It’s a life lesson in gratitude Nanda still lives today.

Nanda graduates

Aimee also offered Nanda the chance to work at the brand new studio she was opening called Barre. Nanda first worked at the counter, but Aimee soon offered her the chance to train to be an instructor and start teaching classes. Nanda said it was intimidating, just like many of the experiences since she arrived in America, mainly because of the challenge with language. How could she instruct others without a comfortable command of English? But like everything else she has attempted and with the encouragement and help of so many, Nanda faced her fears, and it worked.

Nanda at Barrebarre

In life the dream of what you want and the reality of what you must do to get it can be daunting. For Nanda her life has become so much more, not just because of her ability to overcome the challenges in front of her, but also because of the support of so many who have come to her aid. It truly is a story of the courage of a young lady and the kindness of strangers, who become friends and then family. And Nanda has turned her greatest adversity into her advantage. Learning a second language has become one of her greatest assets. Want proof? Not 24 hours after I interviewed Nanda, I came across this excerpt from the book I am currently reading, The 4 Hour Workweek, by Timothy Ferriss: “The benefits of becoming fluent in a foreign tongue are as underestimated as the difficulty is overestimated. Gain a language and you gain a second lens through which to question and understand the world. Don’t miss the chance to double your life experience.”

nanda working out

Nanda has doubled down. For so many who take a shot and come to America, it can be easy to get caught between the moon and New York City. Having a dream and making that dream a reality takes hard work and the attitude to never give up. Nanda Oliverira has done just that. In less than a decade she has handled challenge after challenge, learning her way through a new life in America and starting a new family with Matt. Just last May the couple welcomed their son, Aiden, into the world.

nanda matt and aiden picture

And Nanda never forgets. She says it was her sister who taught her how to fight. “She fought for her life for ten years”, says Nanda. “She and we did everything we could to keep her alive. But if she was here today she would say I did all I could to fight, and I’m glad I tried. One day you are here, the next you are not. But you must take advantage of the opportunities you are given.”

baby aiden

To hear her tell her story you quickly realize that through her journey Nanda has learned not just two languages, but three: Portuguese, English and one more… the language of love.

Congratulations Nanda. Parabéns.

Nanda in black

Until next time thanks for taking the time.

Mark

Mark Brodinsky, Author
It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story
#1 Amazon Best-Seller
markbrodinsky@gmail.com

To follow the blog, click on the follow button on the screen. For feedback or story ideas for The Sunday Series, send an e-mail to markbrodinsky@gmail.com

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Comments

  1. Bonnie Blas says

    March 30, 2014 at 8:45 am

    So beautiful and inspiring!!!!!!!!!! Kudos to those giving others a chance too!!!!

    Reply
    • Mark Brodinsky says

      March 30, 2014 at 8:58 am

      Thanks Bonnie. I agree, it’s all about giving.

      Reply
  2. Marilyn Lefkowitz says

    March 30, 2014 at 8:57 am

    Great story Mark (& great writing, too!). Perseverance, support & kindness- a magic threesome!
    Very uplifting!

    Reply
    • Mark Brodinsky says

      March 30, 2014 at 8:58 am

      Thank you Marilyn.

      Reply
      • Allison says

        March 30, 2014 at 6:02 pm

        I’m that 5 year old!! I remember her helping me with my homework. I missed her so much when she left. I’m now turning 14… so happy I got to read this!

        Reply
        • Mark Brodinsky says

          March 30, 2014 at 6:04 pm

          How cool is that Allison!! I will pass this along. Thanks for reading.

          Reply
  3. Nanda Oliveira says

    March 31, 2014 at 7:45 pm

    Allison, you are SO SWEET. I missed you guys so much, too when I left. So glad we still keep in touch. See how important YOU and YOUR FAMILY were for me?? Thank you William’s family :-))))

    Reply
  4. Rafael says

    April 14, 2014 at 9:27 pm

    Fico muito feliz que a nova vida de nanda esteja dando tudo certo para ela.. e me espelho nela e assim vou conquistar tudo que desejo… voce e um exemplo que tudo e possível com esforço, coragem , determinação , sao elementos certeiros para o sucesso. . Bjao saudades com carinho Rafael do Brasil. .

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. The Sunday Series (90), with Mark Brodinsky says:
    December 13, 2015 at 8:30 am

    […] anything by yourself, and Nanda has plenty to be proud of since her arrival from Brazil, (http://markbrodinsky.com/the-sunday-series-22-with-mark-brodinsky/).  If help is offered Nanda has learned to accept it, be grateful and go all in. “I have […]

    Reply
  2. The Sunday Series (90), With Mark Brodinsky | News-Me says:
    January 7, 2016 at 11:01 am

    […] accomplish anything by yourself, and Nanda has plenty to be proud of since her arrival from Brazil (http://markbrodinsky.com/the-sunday-series-22-with-mark-brodinsky/).  If help is offered Nanda has learned to accept it, be grateful and go all in. “I have […]

    Reply
  3. The Sunday Series (90), With Mark Brodinsky | LoansEmpire.com says:
    January 7, 2016 at 11:08 am

    […] accomplish anything by yourself, and Nanda has plenty to be proud of since her arrival from Brazil (http://markbrodinsky.com/the-sunday-series-22-with-mark-brodinsky/).  If help is offered Nanda has learned to accept it, be grateful and go all in. “I have […]

    Reply
  4. The Sunday Series (90), With Mark Brodinsky | EuroMarket News says:
    January 7, 2016 at 11:26 am

    […] accomplish anything by yourself, and Nanda has plenty to be proud of since her arrival from Brazil (http://markbrodinsky.com/the-sunday-series-22-with-mark-brodinsky/).  If help is offered Nanda has learned to accept it, be grateful and go all in. “I have […]

    Reply

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Mark Brodinsky
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Blog Reviews

Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

Aileen Braverman

I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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