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The Sunday Series (153), with Mark Brodinsky

July 30, 2017 By markbrodinsky Leave a Comment

There is an infinite bright light which shines in all of us. It’s a light which guides us and if we are so inclined will light the way for others. Sometimes we let darkness slip in, not on purpose, but simply because we are human. To be human means to be imperfect, and yet we are all created perfectly, so therein lies a great contradiction – knowing deep within our hearts we are amazing creations, but acting like anything less.

It is the challenge of this human adventure and this adventure becomes our story.

Everyone has a story.

I am Mark Brodinsky and this is The Sunday Series.


The Sunday Series (153): High on Life

For Noah Kodeck it was that first shot that numbed the pain, the shot that took it all away, the one that made him feel so good. But it was the search for that feeling which would control much of the rest of his life.

It wasn’t always this way.

“I had an idyllic childhood,” says Noah. “I grew up as the middle child of three boys. My dad is an attorney, my mom is a nurse and my parents loved me. They always protected me. I had an upper middle class upbringing: summers at the beach, sleep away camp, a six-week backpacking trip through Alaska when I was in high school. My parents were incredible people. We knew we were loved.”

But sometimes even love’s not enough.

Noah was a swimmer and a tennis player and while in high school he developed chronic shoulder pain in his right shoulder. First the doctors scoped the shoulder then they decided Noah would need a bicep tendon transplant.  The open shoulder surgery left Noah in a tremendous amount of pain, that is until the nurse came in with some blessed relief. A blessing which would become Noah’s curse.

“I still vividly remember that first shot of demerol. I cannot explain it. It was like nothing I ever experienced before. I was in a lot of pain from the surgery, and the nurse came in and gave me the shot in my thigh and in one second everything seemed really manageable. It was an incredible feeling. I knew I liked the demerol a lot. My doctor gave me valium post-surgery and if it were up to me I would have laid in bed and just taken the valium. I remember my mother saying let’s stop the valium, let’s get up, go out and go for a walk and help you heal.”

 

For Noah, the drugs fit perfectly into what he describes as an “addictive personality.” “I kept a tight lid on myself,” says Noah. “I like to be in control of myself, but when I used something mood-altering, I tended to use it in excess. I knew I liked it, I also knew I shouldn’t do it. I went off to college and did my fair share of drinking and smoking and occasional pill popping, but I wouldn’t say anything crazy or out of the ordinary. But it was the mid 90’s and I was partaking of this stuff before opiates were what opiates are today. What we know now we didn’t know then.

Noah says his first year after college was his most sober year as he entered the workforce. But things started to unravel in the early 2000’s. Although he didn’t want to move back home from Colorado, where he had attended college, Noah’s father helped orchestrate a deal to find him employment in Maryland. Noah figured he would come back for a year, put his time in at work and then do whatever he wanted to do, maybe even a move back out west to California. But we all make plans and God laughs. For Noah, laughter was not part of his next few years.

“During my unraveling period my aunt was diagnosed with colon and liver cancer, my grandmother was dying of cancer, my brother got married, my golden retriever had to be put down, my parents sold the childhood home we grew up in, 9/11 happened while I was working in DC, then the anthrax scare, then the DC sniper and to cap it all off I was carjacked at gunpoint by two guys in the summer of 2003. So I got prescribed xanax and ambien and had minor surgery…and that meant some more pills. It started out I would just use them post-operative, but I also needed them to get on a plane. I had a really bad flight into Denver when I was in college and it turned me off to flying, so I would pop them anytime I needed to fly.”

“I started getting prescriptions for various reasons and that kept it going. As the years ticked by I would use the pills before a Thursday or Friday night out with friends. What seemed like controlled usage went from Thursday or Friday night to other nights. Still I figured I didn’t have a problem if I wasn’t using at work. But then popping a pill at 6pm, became 4pm, then 2pm, then you wake up knowing you need something to start your day or you can’t function. I held that pattern for a number of years, but then I had knee surgery. I called my doctor and said I need a refill for my pain pills, he said he’d give me one more refill then to switch to Tylenol or Advil. I called my primary care doctor and told him I have a chronic knee issue and my ortho doesn’t want to deal with my prescription anymore. From my ortho I was getting 30 pills at a time, my general practitioner wrote a script for 180 pills and three refills, I remember thinking I just hit the jackpot! This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

The addiction picked up speed as Noah developed insomnia and needed Ambien and Xanax to sleep and for traveling and flying. He says his parents had surgeries, so there was always stuff in their medical cabinet as well. He would call friends who had doctor friends and tell them his doctor was out-of-town and he couldn’t get his prescriptions. When Noah’s insurance stopped paying he convinced his pharmacist to let him self pay. “It all seemed very normal to me and I didn’t believe I could have a problem because I didn’t grow up in a broken family. I grew up with everything I ever wanted and my parents provided us this amazing life. I didn’t think I looked like anyone who would have a problem would look like,” says Noah.

Noah says in 2007 and 2008 he kept a journal and wrote stuff down and the number one goal he had for the year was to “get off the dope.” But as with many addicts the desire to stop is secondary to the next hit, the next high. Noah says every time his bottle got low he would panic. He says his life chasing the medications and worrying about getting them became a full-time job. “I remember interviewing for a job in Philly and being terrified I would be away from my sources and what would I do?” says Noah. “Fortunately I didn’t get the job.”

In March of 2012, as he was running low on supply, Noah said the doctor started asking questions since he was running out too frequently. He called a friend and asked him to call his doctor, his friend, knowing something was wrong, told him no. Noah says after a heated argument, where he totally disrespected his mother and a lack of supply, the pain of his addiction became too much, he came clean to his mother, he reached out to the cousin of a long-time friend who was in long-term recovery and he called his doctor.

The doctor told him he would start him on Suboxone, a prescription medication used to treat adults who are addicted to opioids, and his buddy’s cousin came to Noah’s apartment to clean him out. He also started going to AA meetings which didn’t seem to work. Noah said he felt “disjointed, out-of-place, out of sorts.” Within a month of quitting Noah’s doctor convinced him to go to a long-term treatment program in Mississippi. “It was really hard and really amazing and insightful, but it wasn’t enough,” Noah says. “I came out of rehab and played sober for about ten weeks, I would relapse and then go on-and-off the Suboxone. I didn’t tell anyone.”

As with many addicts, when the prescriptions run out, they have no choice but to hit the streets to find supply. Noah started buying from friends and some “shady people” and then he met a guy whose son was fresh out of rehab. Noah said he would take the son to meetings and talk to him and help him, but it didn’t work. “The kid had a dealer,” says Noah. “He introduced me to his dealer and that was the beginning of the end of that. The dealer had pills and even heroine. The kid had the relationship, I had the car and the money.”

Through it all Noah stayed gainfully employed and even earned his masters through two years of additional schooling. It’s one of the reasons addicts can be so hard to judge, if they function in society, so many others are blind to the pain. Noah says he was under a ton of pressure to keep up the facade, so he isolated himself from many of his friends, telling them he just wanted to chill at home or didn’t feel well, instead of going out. Then disaster struck.

“I was using and hanging out with that kid”, says Noah. “He had been out-of-town so I picked him up when he came back and we made a run to the dealer. I went to the beach and tried to call the kid, but he didn’t answer. The kid’s dad text me to call him right away. It was then he told me he found his son dead in his bed from an overdose.”

“You would think that would be enough, but it wasn’t. When he died I found a way to get the dealer’s number and I started my own relationship with him. It went on for a few more months but then I had enough. I was spending a lot of money and it was becoming an issue. I knew if I didn’t do something it would take me down and take me down quickly. In May of 2014 my mom hurt her ankle and I flew back with her to their Colorado home. I went to the dispensary and asked for medical marijuana to help me sleep. I had a very very bad reaction to it and had to tell my mom. That May I decided I was done. This was not fun, it wasn’t enjoyable, I felt crappy, I couldn’t keep lying.”

Since that time Noah has been on Suboxone every day. “There is no urgency to get off it,” says Noah. “Some people say you are not sober until you are off of it, but opiates are really, really addictive. Every day of my life I think about drugs. It is always there. Taking Suboxone negates the craving or desire. I know I can’t get high because I’m on a block and know it can’t happen. I’ve gotten back to the gym with two different trainers and I take a spin class once a week. I keep myself very active and very busy.”

 

Noah says he is sharing his painful story because he wants to help. “This is impacting a lot of people, who just like me, couldn’t reconcile the fact I was an addict with the great life I had. It’s not like the old days of what you thought addiction was. It does not discriminate – black, white, rich, poor, jewish, catholic and it didn’t happen overnight, it was a progression. I didn’t screw up at school, I graduated on time, I maintained good grades I got a masters, I kept a really good job. But the addiction to the opiates becomes in essence its own full-time job. Somehow, at some point, I gained the courage to recognize I need help. That one sentence alone saved me.”

Noah says his advice to others trying to stay clean and sober is, “don’t quit before the miracle. I tell other people it’s one minute at a time, then it’s one hour, then it’s one day. Just hang in there.”

Noah says he is happy today: “I get to wake up every day and do things I enjoy and to travel. I got a dog in February and he is a cornerstone of my recovery. I never saw myself as a victim. I wasn’t in control, it just happened to me. I have an ego and I see myself as invincible, like this kind of thing can’t happen to me. It could and it did. The biggest thing for me was finding humility in this…once I found that, I started healing.”

The ultimate freedom – to simply be high on life.

Until next time, thanks for taking the time

Mark Brodinsky

Author: The Sunday Series with Mark Brodinsky: Real Stories of Courage, Hope & Inspiration, Vol I: (http://amzn.to/2tmmdPo)

Author: The #1 Amazon Best Seller, It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story: (http://amzn.to/2tn7jbI)

Huffington Post: (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-brodinsky/)

The Profile: (http://www.talkinggood.com/profiles/MarkBrodinsky)

Inspiring Company Stories: (http://www.ushacareers.com/category/inspirational-stories/)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Mark Brodinsky
Emmy Award Winner, 1996

Ever thought about writing a book? check this out!

Blog Reviews

Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

Aileen Braverman

I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

Beverlee Rendelman

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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As we move past the 50th blog post since my launch, I asked some of you who have been with me since the beginning what you would like me to blog about. (Btw, the suggestion box is always open). And some of you brought up an interesting topic. Fear. Overcoming it and facing it, head […]

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