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The Sunday Series (138), with Mark Brodinsky

February 12, 2017 By markbrodinsky Leave a Comment

On this Valentine’s Day weekend it’s good to remind ourselves of one simple thing… life’s about love. Pure and simple. But we get distracted and sometimes our journey through life makes us forget to think and feel this undeniable fact.

Sometimes our mind speaks to us much louder than our heart does. Yet most times it should be the other way around, when you have a choice between your head and your heart, listen to your heart. It somehow knows the way and wants to be part of your story.

After all, everyone has a story.

I am Mark Brodinsky and this is The Sunday Series.


The Sunday Series (138): Me Too

A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life. ~Isadora James

The tears still flow when she thinks about that day. For Julie Bondroff missing her sister’s wedding was a painful experience, despite it being just one day after one of the happiest days of her own life, the day Julie gave birth to her first child.

Less than 24 hours after Alexa’s birth, there sat Julie sat alone in her hospital room, while the world continued to rotate. “I remember looking up at the clock,” says Julie. “It was 7pm and I thought my god I’m here all by myself and everyone is at my sister’s wedding. I was hysterically crying. My best friend is getting married and I’m not there.”

Julie will gladly tell you her best friend in life is her sister Melanie, no doubt. Except it wasn’t always that way, and sometimes in life it takes a while to figure things out.

Let’s face it being an only child has its advantages. All the attention, all the focus, all the care. For Julie this was the first two years of her existence. Not only was she the only child of Betty and Norman Cohen, she was a world traveler to boot. Not long after the birth of his first daughter Norman had taken the family overseas in Japan.  A master of languages, Norman was drafted, sent to Syracuse for an intense program learning Russian and was then sent to Japan to be a Russian linguist, for all intents and purposes a spy! So for the first two years of her life Julie knew only her mom and dad, (and rice and fish), while the family lived in a poor fishing village in that country.

When it’s just you, life is easy. But while in Japan the Cohen’s conceived a second child and not long after returning to the states, Melanie was born. “My mom said I was out of sorts”, says Julie. “At two-and-a-half I was just getting back to the U.S., really meeting my grandparents for the first time, learning about life in the states… things as simple as riding on an escalator or an elevator, all the things we didn’t have or I didn’t experience while living in a poor part of Japan. I was just getting to know my life here.”

Then Melanie came along.

Melanie says Julie was jealous of sharing her time and her attention, and especially jealous of Melanie’s hair. “When I was like two I had white hair with little curls,” says Melanie. “Julie was like 4-and-a-half and she took cuticle scissors and cut my curls off. When I walked out I looked like a boy. She was definitely jealous, but meticulous too. She carefully picked up all the curls and tossed them in the trash. Our mom picked the curls up out of the garbage put them in an envelope and saved them.”

“Melanie definitely looked up to me,” says Julie, “but I didn’t pay her much mind. She was a late talker and even her first word was Julie, (or “goolie” as it sounded back then), but I was very independent and I wasn’t really into her. I knew she was really into me but it wasn’t reciprocal. I didn’t like dealing with her, I didn’t like her touching my stuff. I really wouldn’t let her be in my room or be friends with my friends. She was like a nuisance, she was my little sister, you know what I mean.”

Any first child reading this probably understands exactly what Julie means… in fact you might be thinking, me too.

You’re thinking it, Melanie was constantly saying it. Despite the somewhat physical distance Julie kept between her and her younger sibling, from Melanie’s side it was all about Julie. “I did whatever Julie told me to do”, Melanie remembers. “Whatever Julie would say I would say ‘me too’. In fact I said it so much my mom bought me a Golden Book titled, Me Too.”

While Melanie says Julie wasn’t into her at all, what Julie didn’t know is that every time she wasn’t at home Melanie and her friends were into her big sister’s stuff. “When Julie was out my girlfriends and I would go in her room and investigate and touch every little thing. We loved to play with her Barbie Dream House, the one with the elevator. Julie would never let me touch or much less breathe on. When Julie was out on a sleepover I was in her room, playing with everything, trying on Julie’s jewelry, trying on her clothes. The minute she walked out of the house I or my friends were in her closet and all over her stuff. Everything she had in that room I touched. But I made sure I put everything back to perfection, exactly where I found it. Julie never knew.”

Their life experience in high school was not much different. “I kept her friends separate from mine,” says Julie. “I even had a house party and I didn’t let her invite anyone because she had no idea it was happening. Melanie only found out I was having a party from a friend. We were really distant for a while. In high school we were disconnected, under the same roof, but the only time we really talked was in the morning when we fought over the bathroom. We really didn’t have a friendship. I went away to school, (college), and Melanie went away to school.

Then as it does so often along this journey, life happens.

As luck or life would have it when Melanie graduated from college and decided to go after her Master’s degree in public administration, she got accepted to NYU.  Since graduating from college her big sister Julie had been living and working in New York. Julie’s roommate was moving out, so their father suggested Julie and Melanie live together. The girls were now back under the same roof, but with years of maturity behind them and no Barbie Dream House to battle over, this time things were different. Learning about life in the big city created a bond between them.

“We lived in a 3-story walk-up railroad apartment,” says Julie. “We couldn’t escape each other even if we wanted to it was so tight. And when you live in New York it’s not so much about where you are working or where you are going to school, it’s about the city, we were experiencing the city together, whether it was the drudgery of where we were living, or doing our laundry at the laundromat, or trying different restaurants, theater, shopping… all these cultural and amazing things our parents had exposed us to and encouraged us to try. Suddenly it was me and Melanie and I couldn’t help but think, ‘WOW, my sister is awesome.”

Some might say it’s chance, some might say it’s fate, some might say it’s the simple realization as you move through life that those closest in your life matter, maybe much more than you ever appreciated. Or just maybe, consciously or unconsciously, you have remembered the simple fact of life… life’s about love.

The two girls even ended up working for the same company. They were now living and working together. The distance which had existed before, was now morphing into an unbreakable bond. Life had new meaning and purpose, as did Julie and Melanie.

“I realized Melanie and I were more alike than different,” says Julie. “Maybe I had not been so into her, but at the end of the day she looked up to me as her big sister and she was very easy to get along with, just smooth and easy. Our parents really raised us the same. I still remember when we were growing up and we would fight our parents would say you need to love each other, because one day we’ll be gone and all you will have is each other. We don’t have a big extended family, we really just have each other.”

When it was time to get married to her husband Shawn, Julie decided she didn’t need or want a big bridal party, she only needed to have one person by her side, her little sister Melanie. So when it was Melanie’s time and she was to marry Jason, she said me too, and returned the favor  – it would be only Julie standing by her side at the wedding ceremony.

Then life happened… again.

Julie and Shawn learned they were expecting their first child. The due date was May 5th, Melanie and Jason’s wedding was planned for April 29th.

You never forget your first, especially when it arrives 25 minutes before midnight on the day your sister is going to be married. Melanie still remembers the morning on that same fateful day: “the morning before my big day I’m going to the salon to get my nails done and Julie calls me to tell me she can’t go. She says, “I’m in labor’. I remember walking into my mom’s room crying, telling her she’d have to come get her nails done with me, because Julie is having her baby. I was in disbelief, this had to be a joke. The only person I wanted and had in my wedding party, my big sister, wouldn’t be able to make it.”

The next night it was Julie sitting in her hospital room, watching the clock as it turned to 7pm, and crying. She was excited about being a new mom, but also facing the very real pain of not being there at the wedding for the person, who just years before, Julie had finally realized was one of the great loves of her life, her little sister Melanie.  For all the things she never allowed Melanie to touch when they were younger, now it was Julie who only wanted to be there to touch her sister’s heart… she couldn’t be and it hurt.

The Porter Wedding, sans Julie

Julie says it was her mom who helped put in all in perspective: “I was so upset, but before the wedding my mom said to me you are simply missing a 4-hour party. It’s just a party. You have been there to witness Melanie and Jason as they got to know each other, how he romanced her and you got to see their relationship blossom. Everyone will leave the party, but you will still be there with Melanie, you got to see the before and you’ll be there after.”

Porter & Bondroff Families

Julie now says she feels like she won the lottery when it comes to having a sister. “Melanie and I talk several times a day,” says Julie. “And it’s just about every day life, not even the big moments. Life can be hard and you are just trying to get through it. It’s so meaningful to have someone who cares and respects you and loves you – I just think how lucky I am and I appreciate it.”

Melanie feels the same. “It’s unconditional love,” she says. “Sisterhood is a bond that nobody, even the best of friends can know. There’s something so special about sisters. And I still look up to Julie for everything. I still value her opinion, I still go with what she tells me to do. When Julie says she wants to do something, or sees something a certain way, I still catch myself saying, me too.”

 

Until next time thanks for taking the time,
(Happy Valentine’s Day)

Mark Brodinsky

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Author: The #1 Amazon Best Seller: It Takes 2. Surviving Breast Cancer: A Spouse’s Story
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Mark Brodinsky
Emmy Award Winner, 1996

Ever thought about writing a book? check this out!

Blog Reviews

Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

Aileen Braverman

I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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