“I know a girl, she’s puts the color inside of my world.
She’s just like a maze, where all of the walls all continually change.
And I’ve done all I can, to stand on her steps with my heart in my hand.”
Daughters, by John Mayer
For me, and I’m sure for most Dads, it’s the most dangerous place in the world, a father’s heart. Tough to go there, because it’s about as deep as it gets. The very center of my, or of any father’s soul.
Yes, I know it’s Father’s Day, a day for my girls to show their appreciation to me (if I’m lucky). But I wanted to take a shot at turning the tables, and reflecting on them, on what any Dad must feel on a day like today. It’s my first Father’s Day with the blog.
“On behalf of every man, looking out for every girl,
you are the G-d and the weight of her world.”
John Mayer and the lyrics to his song Daughters hit about as close to home as you can get, especially today. Look, it’s my responsibility to watch out for them, to make sure they are provided for, to make sure they are Ok. But the crazy thing is this, I’ve spent more than a decade of my life, and will spend many more years still, trying to build a fortress around their hearts, trying to guard them against what life will send their way, to save their hearts from ever being broken. Yet since the day they were born, since the moment they took their first breath, my girls have been breaking mine down, every laugh, every tear, every hug makes my heart softer, to the point that it is now the most vulnerable part of my being. I would imagine for most Dad’s, whether it’s daughter or son, the heart is forever transformed.
“So Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do.”
I can only hope John Mayer and his lyrics are right on target. I hope my girls will forever look back and view me, their Dad, as their first love. If I do my job right as a Father, I hope my daughters will love like I do and seek out someone who might love them even half as much as I. It won’t be an easy task, because I love them to the moon and back. As a matter of fact, that’s not even close. How about to the very depths of the Milky Way. Even that might not be deep enough. But if I’m lucky, one day they’ll find someone who can come close.
I’ll let you in on a little secret. I actually wrote this blog two days ago, on Friday night, after a full day with the family, as we vacationed near Cancun, Mexico. Earlier in the day, we rented a Waverunner and my girls took turns riding with me. One at a time I took them speeding through the water, as they hung on, laughing and enjoying every second, every spray of water, every jump over the waves in ocean. As they took their turn, each one had their arms tightly wrapped around my waist, holding on as we sped through the water, just off the shore line. It was exhilaration, with a touch of fear, and the knowledge that while I could push the envelope, I couldn’t take the ride too far, because failure was not an option. We must make it back to the shore safe and sound. It’s just like life should be, and what I try to teach the girls. Push yourself a little farther than you think you can go, feel a little fear, but never choose to fail. Failure might come, but it will happen not because you chose it, but just because that’s what happens in life. Learn the lesson and move on. Face your fear and keep riding the waves.
“Girls become lovers and turn into Mothers,
So Mothers be good to your daughters too.”
One day that will happen too. As their Father, I now get it. I can see the future and what it would be like to become a Grandfather. To see the legacy continue, a piece of me, of my wife, be brought to life inside the soul of the next generation. It’s parenthood coming full circle. Life’s greatest reward.
In the meantime, I’ll stand on the stairs with “my heart in my hand.” And I’ll love my girls like there’s no tomorrow, because one day, a long time away I hope, that will be the truth.
Sophie and Emily, thanks for giving me life’s greatest honor. I love you, to the Milky Way and back.
All My Love, Daddy.
Until next time, thanks for taking the time.