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#4, Giving Thanks: It’s Just About… Life.

May 7, 2013 By markbrodinsky 2 Comments

GivingThanks-floral2As we arrived at Thanksgiving Day along the first year journey, I wanted to find a way to say thanks to my wife for making the sacrifice to beat breast cancer. This is my Letter to Debbie.

Written Thanksgiving Day, 2012

Deb –

When they announced us into the room at our wedding on November 8, 1997, and we took to the floor for our first dance, I knew right then that my entire life had been leading me to that moment. I/we had made it to the place I belonged. It was an overwhelming sense of love, of calm, of purpose, that even as I write about now, I can still capture that same feeling in my heart.

On April 13th, 2012, when you called me on the cellphone, and I heard you crying, there’s that other feeling I will never forget. There was no music playing this time, no one clapping, no one taking pictures… and I didn’t have the opportunity to look into your eyes and tell you I love you. There was silence for a moment, then questions, (“what”?), then the obligatory, “it’s going to be ok”, even though I don’t know at that moment if I was really sure that was the truth. Cancer…. again.

I remember more than three years ago, the day you found out about your Dad’s diagnosis. I had just stepped back in the house after walking Ollie, and saw you crying, standing in the doorway to my office, and you told me the news. Back then it seemed more like confusion and concern about him, about hiding it from the kids for now, about what we would do for our upcoming family trip to the beach with your Dad, Mom, Alisa, Michael and the girls. I won’t forget that moment, nor watching him months later, slip away. It’s a sense of loss that aches and stays with you the rest of your life.

So, now it was your turn. Unexpected, unfair, unf****ing believable. I never thought it would end the same way, not for a moment. But I also knew the stories of what a tough, unforgiving road this could be. The uncertainty of what lie ahead, and the sense of fear and sadness was palpable. I couldn’t imagine that G-d was going to test us again, and this time it was my wife, partner, best friend, mother of my children, who would be forced to fight. Of all people, for someone who gives so much and is loved by so many. Wow, this sucks. Big time.

But you, scared and uncertain to say the least, went into action, leaning on those who could make some things happen immediately. Between you, Alisa, your Mom and Lloyd… somehow, just days later we were in the breast surgeon’s office. You made the decision to make a huge sacrifice to save yourself, but more importantly for me, Sophie and Emily…. to save us. Your decision to have the double mastectomy was swift, unwavering and so unselfish. As I think about it now, I still am in awe of your resolve to take the path. If I ever doubted you are the strongest person I know, I knew in that moment, no doubt would ever enter my mind, or my heart again.

There were options – and you took the one, that if it worked, would give you the best chance of being free from this beast, but would leave you, for the rest of your life, a constant reminder of what had been. It was a dramatic and defining moment for you, for everyone that knows you and loves you — and an affirmation of who you are. In our world, under our roof, inside our four walls, your decision will forever be the binding force between you, me and our girls. There is no doubt we would be lost without you…. in fact, I can’t even go there. But because of who you are, your resolve, and your unwavering love and devotion to your family, we don’t need to think about it. Ever.

I don’t need to recount every step of this journey for you… we are living it together. I can’t dig down deep enough into your mind and heart to know your exact feelings. I can’t live inside you, but I live just outside that beautiful soul. I know you have feelings of pain and loss, but I also know the other side, feelings of relief, rebirth, determination and of pride for doing what you knew was best. I don’t know if joy comes into play at this moment in time — but down the road, along the better side of the journey I know it will. As we move along the hills and valleys of our lives there will be times, so many times for you and me, for you and the girls, for all of us together, that I hope the simple joy of just “being there” and experiencing the moments will be enough.

I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of you, of how much I love you for who you are and for what you have done for us. Your beauty, laughter and sense of humor make every day worth it. I don’t pretend to think it’s perfect. Every relationship, when good or bad things happen, takes work… it’s all part of life and life is far from perfect, but if you have the determination to dig down deep, to never let go, and never, ever give up… it can be a beautiful ride.

So as we honor our tradition tonight at Thanksgiving and circle around the table to talk about what we are thankful for… I would never have time (in the 30 seconds they give you) to express how I truly feel. Nor could I get the words out I want to say. So I had to write it down. I had to let you know who thankful I am, how thankful Sophie and Emily are, for you. Just you. Thank you for being who you are, for giving up so much for us, for giving your heart, and your body, to make it all ok. There will never be a moment from now to eternity that we won’t be in your debt. You are our hero and we love you all our hearts.

Thanks for continuing to make our lives as beautiful as you are.

I love you, Mark

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Comments

  1. Marilyn Lefkowitz says

    May 7, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Everything that you write is so heartfelt, this one in particular ‘blew me away!’

    Reply
    • Mark Brodinsky says

      May 7, 2013 at 11:37 am

      Thank you Marilyn.

      Reply

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Mark Brodinsky
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Blog Reviews

Love seeing new blogs hit the ground running like this one (by a dad no less), but I also urge anyone vaguely interested in blogging to stay tuned, I am. Good luck on your journey – glad that I am along for the ride.

Rachel Blaufeld

Great blog Mark! I always appreciate reading what you have to say. You are very gifted and talented and hopefully someday you’ll not just blog, but write a book.

 Stephen Koncurat

I’m definitely along for the ride. We’ve all seen how much damage the written word can inflict. More positive writers are needed. And I love how you are using your personal experiences – those with your wife and children – and your gift of writing to open eyes and to inspire others.

Victoria Endicott

Absolutely beautifully written! The girls in your life must be very proud of you. Thanks for sharing Mark, I look forward to reading more!

Gina Glick Jolson

Very shortly this site will be famous amid all blogging and site-building users, due to it’s pleasant posts.

Leila Galloway

Absolutely beautiful! Are you at all thinking of penning a book? You’ve got a fan base out there that really thinks you should Mark. You write so eloquently. Glad that I got onto this site.

Marilyn Lefkowitz

Mark, You are truly a gifted writer and obviously, a special father and husband . Always a delight to read your words.

I’m speechless…beautiful words flow from your heart just like a gentle waterfall into a tranquil stream… thank you so much for the friend request I was blessed the day I clicked confirm.

Lynne Turner Dorsey

From your first writing in 4th grade entitled “People” which was published in the school newspaper, you have always been able to write. Never more so than when you started “Caringbridge” and now your blog, everyone who reads says what a wonderful writer you are. Our DREAM for you is to become an author and encourage people every day. You are by the far the best and we hope and pray you reach your dream.

Bonnie Brodinsky

I know you always thank us for reading but I would like to say thanks for writing.

Stuart Abell

Great piece. You are an inspiration!

Rob Commodari

Mark I just wanted to let you know that you are succeeding in your “ultimate goal”. I have gained so much from your blogs. I look forward to reading them for the special lift that they give me. Thank you.

Amy F.

I love waking up and starting my day with my coffee and your blog! It a great way to start my day with positive uplifting thoughts!! It puts me in a positive frame of mind throughout the day and allows me to reflect on my personal life, make changes, and grow !!!

Gayle Blank

You are quite talented Mark. Thanks for sharing!

Cynthia

I always look forward to your Blog Mark. Thanks for sharing and as you always do, make it a great / remarkable Day!

Chuck Connolly

Thanks for your Blog Mark. It is fun, encouraging and a nice break from a day full of ups and downs.

Jackie Hetrick

With my busy schedule, there is (sadly) little time for reading. But I have two must-reads every time I come across them, the sports section and your blogs. Keep inspiring and following your dream!

Ed Nemec

Mark, you are a truly remarkable individual. You do speak from your heart, I can’t wait to read your book. You are an incredible writer.

Debbie Press

Mark, I am glad I clicked on your post this morning, which lead me to your writing, your goal.
Would like to connect. This speaks to me.

Aileen Braverman

I can’t wait to read the book. I have followed all the blogs and feel so good that I know u guys. You make me cry but you make me laugh too. All the very best to you!

Beverlee Rendelman

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WOW!!! It Takes 2 is a must read for anyone who has known someone diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening disease. This is the real story of a family lead by an incredible woman, Debbie Brodinsky, who took radical steps to beat the breast cancer beast. The story is told by her husband, Mark Brodinsky, through journal entries he kept starting with diagnosis through one year cancer free. This author's unique ability to pour his heart out onto the page draws you in from the beginning and holds you until the very end.

Thanks to Mark and Debbie Brodinsky for this gift...I have a new perspective on what it means to be a breast cancer survivor. You are a hero, Debbie Brodinsky!

TeeBThree
September 25, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book gives a heartfelt, in depth description of what it is like to go through breast cancer with the one you love. It is beautifully written and I felt as though I was living it with them! I highly recommend this book!

Jgs17
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

In It Takes 2, Mark Brodinsky windows us into his world where his wife, the cancer patient, is not the only victim. Part journal, part roadmap, It Takes 2 goes to the real humanity of facing the mortality of one's better half. Mark's candid perspective, love, and fierce intention resonate with hope in a story which is about much more than cancer. Mark himself is perhaps the most heroic character for the way he appreciates this life and so many of us in it...as he says, "thanks for caring."

Réné Pallace
September 24, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

It Takes Two: A Spouse's Story by Mark Brodinsky should be read by every person who is experiencing serious illness or injury or by a loved one of someone who is experiencing either of those situations. The book is an eloquent testament to the power of love and the healing energy derived from the belief that things will get better. There is not one word of "poor me" from the author or his wife who suffered breast cancer and the radical surgery she elected to have to beat the cancer. Rather, the book is a celebration of the courage displayed by them both in seeing it through.

The book also encourages readers to speak and write down their true feelings and be validated in them. John Mackovic writing in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun on November 2, 2013 quoted author and artist Doe Zantamata who said, " To be happy, you don't have to do anything new. You just have to remember how to believe again...Believe everything good is possible. Believe in your dreams. Believe in people. Believe in love. But most of all...believe in yourself." The author, his wife, their family and extended family and friends never stopped believing in his wife's recovery, and I think, in themselves. Read this book and believe.

Paul A. Riecks
November 4, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read for anyone with a family member with breast cancer. It takes you through the spouse's perspective from diagnosis to recovery. Mark journaled his wife's journey and put all of his emotions out there. It is beautifully written and inspiring to anyone going through breast cancer. Thank you, Mark for sharing Debbie's story.

Jmu1109
October 23, 2013

ittakes2_reviews_2

A friend recommended this book. This was a great perspective of a man standing beside his partner and passing along to the reader fear, hope, useful information and a broader story than his own. I loved Vinnie the tattoo artist. This is a great book. Thanks for sharing, Mark and "thanks for caring"

Blahsan

ittakes2_reviews_2

This book is a must read. What sets this book apart from other books about surviving breast cancer is that it is told by the husband and his point of view, not from the survivor. At times sad, at times poignant but even through the worst of it you can always feel the love he has for his wife, her strength and the strength of their extended family and friends. The posts that are included from their friends and family lets you really into the heart and strength of the family. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this, whether you are the person or the caregiver. I also recommend this book to anyone who has a friend that has been or is currently going through their fight now. It was an eye opener for me.

L. Bogash
Seven Valleys, PA

ittakes2_reviews_2

There isn't a shortage of books about breast cancer, but most are written from the perspective of the person who has battled cancer or a physician or other expert. What an enlightening experience to read about breast cancer from a husband and caregiver's perspective! Not only does the author give us insight into his wife's experience and emotions, but he openly shares and reveals his love, compassion, support, and, yes, sometimes anger at the disease as he stands by his wife's side during their journey to beat the beast. Your story may not be the same, but I guarantee if you have a loved one battling cancer, you won't go wrong reading It Takes 2.

 PattiM
September 25, 2013

 

ittakes2_reviews_2

From the moment I opened this book I never stopped reading. Mark invites the reader to come along on this journey that his family went through. I cried, laughed and learned so much. This book will give comfort and knowledge to those going through similar situations. Most importantly, Mark and his family never give up. They get knocked down and get right back up. They fought cancer together and with their strength, determination and will to prevail... They do!

 Jenny Schloss 

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